ミランダ (大丈夫) (faded_lace) wrote,
ミランダ (大丈夫)
faded_lace

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Title: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuugiou or Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Rating: PG for language

Warnings: Um…suggested shounen ai, cursing

Author’s note: I like this song ^.^~

~~~

I walk a lonely road

“What’s wrong?”

I looked up. “Hmm?”

“You look so down.” Aibou stared at me concernedly. I was in control at the moment, so he appeared slightly translucent, but upset nonetheless.

“Nothing,” I lied. In fact, something was wrong. But there was no way in hell that I was going to worry Aibou with it.

The only one that I have ever known

I was doubting myself again. It’s a constant problem that I guess I had, but I couldn’t seem to get over the fact. Was I good or evil? Was I really fighting for the right side? What had I done in my past? It was killing me not to know.

“I don’t believe you.” Aibou startled me out of my thoughts.

“There’s really nothing wrong,” I said, hoping it sounded convincing.

Don't know where it goes

“Are you sure?” Aibou asked.

I nodded. Though I was appreciative of my Aibou’s concern, I couldn’t tell him. It would only make him worry and I couldn’t have that. After all he had a lot more important things to be worrying about. Who knows what would be on our horizon?

I sighed, thinking about what had already passed. What with Pegasus and Malik and Noa and Dartz and, of course, Kaiba, who knows what else could be waiting for us.

But it's home to me and I walk alone

“I still don’t believe you.” I sighed and looked at my Aibou again.

“There’s really nothing wrong. You’re overreacting.”

“You’re sure.”

“Very sure.”

“Really?”

I sighed again. “Yes.”

I walk this empty street

At that point, Aibou turned the other way and stared off into space, then turned back around to look at me. Staring into my eyes (and surprising me), he said, “You’re worrying.”

“How would you know?” I said, more irritated sounding than I had aimed for.

He recoiled, but said, “You’re like a part of me, so I can tell.”

“There’s really nothing wrong,” I said, trying to sound apologetic. It was not my strong point.

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I wondered what would happen if I did tell my Aibou of my troubles. Would it really be that bad? He gave me a pleading expressing that was so pathetic I almost gave in, but I stopped to think.

If I were to tell Aibou how I felt, he would worry. And then he would commit himself to trying to make me feel better, and that could possibly put him at risk. I had far from forgotten how he had sacrificed himself to the seal of Orichalcos for me.

No, I could not tell him.

Where the city sleeps

“May I do my homework?”

From Aibou expression, I could tell that he hadn’t forgotten about my worried state, but was trying to avert his concern.

“Oh, yes, of course,” I said, turning over the body to my Aibou. I watched, though, as he headed over to his book bag and pulled out some books. It was history. My one area of expertise.

“Let’s see,” he said aloud. “The Egyptian god of the afterlife…”

“Osiris,” I prompted.

“And his wife…”

“Isis.”

“Thanks, Aibou,” he said. I smiled. I was not of much help in my Aibou’s studies, but at least I could do this.

And I'm the only one and I walk alone

As Aibou concentrated on his work, I turned my attention to the vast room before me. There were so many passages that I was unfamiliar with. Normally, I would be eager to see where they led, but today I was wary. There were, for sure, traps within, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know what was hidden down each corridor.

Turning away, I opened the door into the conjoining hallway.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

I shut the door behind me, just in case. I always shut the door. I don’t know what I was barring it from, but it was a matter of habit and I didn’t think about it.

I cracked the door to Aibou’s room. It was still a mess, strewn with games and childish toys. Sighing, I closed the door. Aibou was too innocent for me. I turned away and glanced outside. Aibou was packing up. He was sure to start questioning me again at any moment. I began to think up excuses.

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Silence lingered in the air for a moment and I could hear our heart beat. Despite our dual existence for more than a year, I still had trouble with that thought. “Our” heart. It felt almost as if I was imposing on Aibou. He insisted that I wasn’t but…he was just to kind.

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

“Maybe I’ll go to bed.” Aibou yawned, and I could see how tired he was. It was, after all, past midnight.

“All right.” I wasn’t very tired.

“You don’t have to sleep,” he pointed out and I nodded. He needed sleep and I was not one to argue.

He turned off his desk light and announced that he was going to brush his teeth. I turned my glance back into my own room.

'Till then I walk alone

It was an enigma. There seemed to be more passages than before, and even more stairways jutting from the ceiling and out of the walls at odd angles. I wondered about the architecture. There were so many traps set and false corridors, was my mind meant to keep people out? Why was so much barred from me? Was I keeping the truth from myself?

I'm walking down the line

Feeling slightly more adventurous than before, I headed down one of the corridors. At the end of it, I found a set of stairs. I climbed them and found myself in another hallway. I warily followed it, unsure of anything ahead, for the darkness was blinding me except for the few centimeters ahead of me that dim lamplight provided. Soon, I came to a fork. Without thinking I decided to go left. I could explore the opportunity cost at another time.

That divides me somewhere in my mind

The corridor began to get darker as the lamps became fewer and farther between. It didn’t really bother me, but I shivered as my eyes adjusted. It appeared to be getting colder also.

Nights are cold in Egypt. That wasn’t really a memory of mine so much as a known fact. In any desert type area, the days are intolerably hot, but the in the night, temperatures drop significantly. The damp coldness of my own mind reminded me of this, even though I should have been prepared for it.

On the border line

I reached another staircase and began to climb it. I was halfway up when I looked above me, or rather, below me. I appeared to be hanging upside down above the main atrium of my mental chamber. From here, I could see the doorway and the hall that I had gone down just minutes ago. I wondered how I had changed direction without noticing, but it didn’t bother me altogether, as I knew already the complications of my mind.

Of the edge and where I walk alone

That was when an odd thought struck me. Why wasn’t I falling? I was most definitely defying the laws of physics. So why wasn’t I falling? Could it have something to do with my Aibou? Or perhaps…it had something to do with a former power I had possessed. But was it a good power, or evil? Worry wormed its way back into my thoughts and I began to wonder. However, I had a lack of time to think very much, because I felt my feet slipping.

The question no longer needed considering. I was falling.

And only darkness greeted me.

Read between the lines

“Aibou! Aibou!”

I heard the voice calling to me…it was Aibou’s voice. But I couldn’t seem to locate where it was coming from. It was hanging over me like a veil and yet it was too distant to recognize. And all I could see was darkness.

“Aibou! Please, wake up!”

The voice sounded more urgent now, but not any closer or any more directed. It was beginning to bother me, but my sense of direction had been lost with my sight. What was going on?

What's fucked up and everything's alright

It was then that I felt water. It was just a drop on my face, and then another. They were increasing in number now, and the amount of time between was decreasing. It felt like rain, but warmer. And I still could not figure out where anything was.

Then, all of a sudden, a dull light appeared before me. I reached for it, and suddenly, I was flooded with light and colour. My eyes opened, and I saw my Aibou above me.

Check my vital signs

“Ugh...What happened?” I asked. My head hurt, and I was lying on the ground of my mental chamber. Aibou sat beside me, his eyes clouded and glossed over with tears. There was a smile on his face.

“I’m so glad you’re all right!”

“What happened?” I repeated, trying to sit up.

“I don’t know…I just got this feeling, like you were gone, and I came here right away. You just lying there on the ground, unconscious, and I didn’t know what to do and you wouldn’t wake up, but you still had a pulse and everything…Oh, I’m just so glad that you’re okay!”

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I returned to a full sitting position and searched my memory for what had happened. I had been walking down that corridor and then…that’s right, I had fallen.

“What’s wrong?” my Aibou asked, seeing the concern play across my face.

“Nothing,” I replied, hopefully convincingly. “I was just remembering what happened.”

Aibou wiped his eyes and then said, “I don’t believe you. Something’s been bothering you this whole evening and I don’t know why you won’t tell me what!

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

“Is it that you don’t trust me?”

I was caught off guard by the question. “No, of course not.” I trusted my Aibou more than anyone else in the world, and he trusted me, maybe more than he ought to. I wouldn’t tell him to protect him, but of course I couldn’t tell him that. Then he would insist to know.

“Then what is it? Why are you keeping whatever it is from me?!” Aibou had worked himself into hysterics, and there was no one else to blame but myself. Again, I was tempted to tell him, but there was just no way. Hysterics he could get over; he probably would forget by the next morning, but if I were to tell him, he might do something awful. Something to make me regret telling him.

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

No, I decided, it was better this way. Though I hated to see my Aibou in pain, I had to keep him from far worse a fate. I couldn’t exactly tell what this horrible thing was, but I was sure of its existence. And I could not let it claim my Aibou.

By now, tears were again staining Aibou’s face, which was twisted into a pleading grimace. “Why?” he asked again, but I shook my head. “There’s nothing to tell.”

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

At that point, I decided upon another tactic. I went over to Aibou and wiped his eyes with my hand. “There’s really nothing wrong, see?” I said, smiling. “You were over-reacting. Everything’s fine now. I just hurt my head earlier, all right?”

“Honto ni?” he asked innocently.

“Honto ni,” I assured, giving him another smile. “You should get to bed now, you’re tired.”

Aibou yawned and nodded. “All right. Good night, Aibou.”

“Good night,” I whispered.

'Till then I walk alone

Once he was gone, I turned back to the labyrinth of corridors, but my mind lingered to my other half. I tried to forget about him as I ascended another flight of steps and turned another corner into newly welcoming darkness.

However, I was not prepared for the cold.

I walk this empty street

Wrapping my arms around me, I looked at the old stone walls. There was nothing welcoming about them, and yet I was at home. I was comfortable here in my solitude with the hindrance of my other self, and yet something seemed to be missing.

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

There must have been a time when everything made sense to me. When I knew what I wanted and knew how to get it. When I understood my own heart.

Our heat, I corrected myself. It was only half mine. And it was then that I realized how little I understood about Aibou.

Where the city sleeps

I could hear his soft, even breaths from where I was if I was quiet and stood still. By now he was getting his well-deserved sleep. I briefly wondered what he was dreaming about, but that only succeeded in forcing the cold realization farther upon me of how much of an enigma Aibou was to me.

And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I tried again to force Aibou out of my head, and my footsteps, echoing in the corridor, drowned out the sound of his breathing. I came to another staircase and climbed it, then found myself in a room with three doors. This time I chose middle one, after only a moment’s hesitation.

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

I found myself in an extremely well lit hallway, which startled me in contrast to the dim hallways and rooms that I was accustomed to. The flickering flames in lamps on the walls caused my shadow to dance on the walls and change in shape often. It made me rather on-edge and the grotesque shape seemed as if it would jump at me at any minute.

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

The hallway seemed as if it would last forever, and the light was unnerving. It frightened me how much I had become accustomed to darkness, but I could not deny that the flames were making me feel nervous and my heart beat faster. I was, after all, being referred to as Yami Yuugi, a fact that never really bothered me. I didn’t mind being a part of Aibou, but now I could see where the “dark” part came from.

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

I realized that my thoughts had returned to Aibou. I just couldn’t get him off my mind, and I was still worrying about him when I came to a door. I reached for the handle and pulled it open to find myself in a dimly lit atrium. I was back where I started.

My eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness, and it was then that I chose to glance at Aibou. He was sleeping soundly still, his breaths soft and even and his heartbeat steady. I felt a sort-of relief wash over me as I was assured that he was all right.

My worries still hung over me, but they felt a little lighter than before, as if my mind were a little bit more at rest. I smile a tired smile to myself. One day, when I was sure of everything, when I knew what I wanted and how to get it, I would tell Aibou of my worries.

'Till then I walk alone...
Tags: bl, one-shot, songfic, yugioh
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