ミランダ (大丈夫) (faded_lace) wrote,
ミランダ (大丈夫)

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58 and some 39 :D

The third part! This one's a lot happier! So... I don't really care if you read the warnings! XD;;; It's still, of course, a good idea, but. XD

Part: 3

Disclaimer: We're just borrowing Minekura's boy~

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: BL! Fluff, angst, language.

Author's Notes: Aww. I ♥ 39.

“Everyone’s finally all right.”
Hakkai said it with a smile, and Gojyo knew that he was right. He would have smiled too, but Sanzo was still shooting at him. Goddamn bastard. He really was just shy. The affection he had for Goku was obvious! And, Gojyo thought to himself in a giddy sort of happiness, how cute that just after he and Hakkai’d gotten together, Goku and Sanzo just might hook up as well. If Sanzo’s pride would allow it, of course. And if the monkey even got it…if the monkey could follow Sanzo’s advice and stop wallowing in his regrets.
After all, if Gojyo could forgive him for breaking three of his ribs, Goku could certainly forgive himself, seriously. And as far as Gojyo was concerned, once Goku took off his limiter, he wasn’t really “Goku” any more. He couldn’t control himself, so why should he feel guilty? And hell, if it meant saving Hakkai, or something, Gojyo would go crazy too—if he could—just to save him.
They’d all made it out of the fucking desert alive—injured, but still alive—and judging by the way Sanzo was swinging his gun around and sipping his beer like a fucking old man, he was going to be fine as soon as his wounds healed. Goku, too. He had Sanzo, so he’d pull out of his slump. Hakkai on the other hand… Hakkai still didn’t want to be touched. So when Hakkai said “everyone,” was he including himself? Hopefully. Physical contact would come slowly, just as long as Hakkai could get passed the events with Chin Yisou.
And hopefully, Hakkai was done beating himself up for not stopping Goku when he went batshit. No one but Sanzo and that freaky-ass hermaphroditic god could hold off a sans-diadem Goku. Hell, even Kougaiji and Dokugakuji hadn’t lasted more than a few minutes. So, Gojyo thought smugly, they’d done pretty well, him and Hakkai. Gojyo’d never let himself be killed by the fucking monkey, damnit! He still had a lot of shit to do, and Hakkai felt the same now, he hoped. He better, ‘cause damnit, about half the stuff he wanted to do was with Hakkai!
If a crazy-ass Goku, a drag queen Sanzo-eating demon, Kougaiji, and a fucking huge desert couldn’t stop them, then they’d be fine. Yeah, now everyone was finally all right.
Another sharp yank on Gojyo’s hair pulled him out of his thoughts. “God damnit! What do you want, you bean monkey!? Quit pulling my antenna!”
“You admitted it! They are antenna!” Goku yelled happily, leaning against Sanzo without thinking and bumping his arm, nearly spilling the beer he was holding. “Oops,” Goku said guiltily, quickly looking up at Sanzo hoping for forgiveness.
Gojyo chuckled. Goku’d get what he deserved. Even if Sanzo was too shy to say how much he cared, he wouldn’t let Goku off for that little slip-up. With a grunt, Gojyo pulled himself to his feet and made his way to Hakkai to help him with the fresh pile of bandages and first aid supplies that had been delivered. He wanted to make sure he was well out of the way when Goku received his punishment.
Sanzo glowered.  Really, he couldn't possibly be angry, he was feeling so warmly towards Goku, so... he didn't even know how to describe the feeling.  But whatever it was, he wanted to interact with Goku somehow, as stupid as that was, and the only way he knew how was through punishment.  Glaring at the monkey, he withdrew his harisen and brandished it at Goku's head.  "Watch where the fuck you're going, brainless ape!"  Hitting him once, hard, with a resounding 'thwack' felt good, but, for some stupid reason, it wasn't fulfilling.  He had the strong desire to touch Goku, with his own hands--
But what the fuck was that?!  He couldn't go thinking stupid thoughts like that!  What the hell.  He did NOT want to touch the monkey.  In any way, shape or form.  It was one thing that MAYBE he was a little (only a little!!) touched by what Goku had done for him, and MAYBE he didn't really feel angry towards him at all, but... but... DAMNIT, HE WASN'T FEELING WARM AND FUZZY TOWARDS GOKU!!  HE WASN'T!!  With that mental note, he gritted his teeth and looked away, feeling his face heat up.  
Hakkai chuckled at Sanzo and Goku's antics, shaking his head slightly and turning towards Gojyo.  It was obvious that Sanzo really did love Goku... if only he wasn't either too shy or too dense to come to terms with it.  But really, Hakkai was certain, things would turn out right between the two of them.  Really, things were looking up; they had all made it out alive and generally unharmed—nothing that wouldn't heal soon.  Still, however, Hakkai couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt that he hadn't been able to stop Goku when Goku had asked him... If it hadn't been for Sanzo, he would have been the downfall of everyone... And as much as Gojyo told him not to worry about it, the creeping sensation of guilt still lingered in his stomach and made him feel a little sick.  
Still, Gojyo was all right, and his ribs would heal soon, and for that, Hakkai was eternally grateful.  Setting aside a pile of bandages and sorting the other supplies into a pile for each room, Hakkai looked up at Gojyo.  "Tonight, let me change your bandages and take a look at you.  I might be able to help things a little more now."  He smiled softly, and discretely took Gojyo's hand in his own, glad that, despite his own self-loathing, Gojyo loved him.  He didn't deserve it, he knew, but it was the knowledge that Gojoy cared for him that kept him going at times like these when the guilt built up until it was overwhelming.  
A bit of time had passed since the incident with Chin Yisou, and, slowly but surely, Hakkai was beginning to feel the guilt less acutely, beginning to shake the feeling of complete and utter dirt worthlessness.  Just as he had years earlier, he was beginning to heal.  And as he began to let go and forget, being with Gojyo in a more physical sense was becoming more and more appealing.  Not in anything but the most innocent sense, of course, but physical comfort was something he was beginning to crave, and he was about ready to give up and let go.  After all, it was what Gojyo wanted... and a little more of a touch here or there certainly wouldn't hurt.  Everything would be entirely innocent... just a little more than a constant hand-hold.  It would distract him from the new guilt, the need feeling of inadequacy that he had earned from this most recent encounter with the Seiten Taisei.  
Thus justified, Hakkai met Gojyo's eyes and a small, meaningful smile flickered across his lips.  His sanction that it would be okay.  Then, slowly, softly, so as not to hurt Gojyo any more, he rested his head on Gojyo's shoulder, leaning against him lightly.  It felt good... and for a moment, it seemed to Hakkai that everything really would be all right.  
Gojyo looked back into Hakkai’s eyes and grinned broadly at the newest level of contact that he’d okayed. Hesitantly, Gojyo placed an arm around Hakkai’s waist and held him gently. This really was a considerable step up from handholding, and damn, did it feel good. He’d been missing all the contact he used to sneak in with Hakkai, even before he’d confessed how he felt, but now this was even better. They were close, they loved each other, and each jump in confidence Hakkai made simply reassured Gojyo that soon he’d be up for anything—a prospect that had lately filled most of Gojyo’s late night showers. Damn, it would be soon. He’d gone from using women to his hand to fill in for the fact that he couldn’t be with Hakkai, but it wasn’t as much of a setback as it sounded. Now at least he and Hakkai could talk about how they felt, and even if it made him horny as hell to think Hakkai actually gave a shit about him, Gojyo knew that soon, if Hakkai continued to make the little steps, they’d be really together. And even if it wasn’t soon at least it would be eventually.
Now, the same couldn’t necessarily be said for Sanzo and Goku. Nope, those two probably had to be pushed a little in the right direction. With a smirk, and still holding on to Hakkai, Gojyo looked over his shoulder at the two. “Hey monkey, I think you got enough practice wrapping me…Why don’t you help out Sanzo, too, huh? I know he’d appreciate it. I think a little private time with his pet and some TLC is all he needs right now, don’t you think, Hakkai?” Gojyo winked at Goku, only because he was certain Goku wouldn’t get it, then nudged Hakkai gently towards the other room. He wanted to see if the newest contact-allowance would extend to sitting together, too. Hot damn. He never thought he’d be so excited for fucking cuddling. But that was just was Hakkai did to him, and Gojyo liked how it made him feel.
Hakkai smiled, laughing softly at Gojyo's hinting, and rose, slipping out of Gojyo's arms and moving towards the door.  Gojyo was right-- Goku and Sanzo deserved some alone time.  They were so sweet together, really, and Hakkai hoped they could be happy together.  Besides, the prospect of spending some time with Gojyo certainly wasn't an unhappy thing, and Hakkai was happy with the way things were now.  Physical comfort was something he had blocked from his mind and desires, something he, when he thought of it, had always secretly craved, and now, being with Gojyo... it felt wonderful.  So long as things remained entirely innocent, so long as it was only a lean, an embrace... what was the harm?  
Taking Gojyo's hand again, he followed him into their room and sat down beside him on the bed, leaning against him again and smiling softly up at him.  "I hope Sanzo gives Goku a break.  He really does love him a lot, don't you agree?"  
“Yeah,” Gojyo sighed, shifting slightly to better accommodate his broken ribs as well as to move even closer to Hakkai. “And the monkey loves him back, too, even if he doesn’t know what to do about it.” Gojyo found Hakkai’s hand and held it in his, feeling content just sharing in Hakkai’s warmth and indulging in his scent. They’d never been this close before…and it was fucking tantalizingly close. And for that fact, he had to do something about it. Gently, he lifted Hakkai’s hand from where it rested on the bed and pulled it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on his fingers, all the while looking at Hakkai to gauge his reaction. He didn’t want to push too hard, but at the same time—the hand, seriously—had to be fine. Innocent enough, right? And yet still, having touched Hakkai’s skin with his lips seemed to set them on fire… Gojyo would’ve kissed the hell out of Hakkai if he could have. From his hand…up his arm, all over his neck. And his mouth—shit. Hopefully this was a step in the right direction.
Hakkai was surprised when Gojyo kissed his hand, and started slightly, abruptly jumping to words.  "Gojyo--please, I don't--"  But then Gojyo's lips touched his skin, and suddenly, Hakkai went silent.  The kiss was so soft, so gentle, and not at all what Hakkai had been expecting... it was sweet, somehow, caring.  Before he knew what he was doing, Hakkai blushed, looking down at his lap, a small smile fighting its way onto his lips.  "... You know... I really love you, Gojyo."  
Relieved, Gojyo kissed Hakkai’s hand again, holding it a little longer as he tried to dismiss the daydream. A kiss was a good step, and Hakkai seemed okay with it now. That didn’t mean, though, that Gojyo could carry out the rest of his fantasy. No, but things were moving. Hakkai was getting better, and Gojyo would do what he could to make sure he was comfortable. “I know,” Gojyo breathed against Hakkai’s skin, releasing his hand slowly and resting his head against Hakkai’s. “And I love you, too.”
“They’re so weird lately!” Goku announced loudly to Sanzo once Gojyo had shut the door. “Don’t you think? He’s even more perverted lately—all hanging all over Hakkai, and stuff, doncha think Sanzo?” Goku asked conversationally. He kinda really liked that he’d been left alone with Sanzo, and he hoped that maybe they could talk for a bit…that way maybe Sanzo wouldn’t get angry at him, or nothin’, and that way, too, Goku wouldn’t have to think so much about what had happen. He was trying not to, though! Since Sanzo was okay… “Do you want me to change them, Sanzo?” Goku asked carefully, glancing down at the wrappings around Sanzo’s waist across his shoulder and over his chest. It was a little daunting. Sanzo always took care of him, so it would just seem weird. But he had practiced on Gojyo! He knew he’d do a good job, if Sanzo trusted him, and all…
Sanzo twitched at Gojyo's comment even as he left the room.  What the fuck was the kappa implying?!  He certainly didn't need any "TLC"!!  Maybe Gojyo wanted to be alone with Hakkai so that they could do... whatever they did... but he didn't have to project his desires onto Sanzo!  He didn't need any alone time with that stupid monkey!!  Though... sometimes, being alone with Goku... he did seem less annoying, and Sanzo was less compelled to punish him, when he didn't have to prove anything to anyone.  He liked spoiling Goku, in a sense, when it was just the two of them, he liked doing things for him getting things for him that made him smile.  In fact, he really liked Goku in general a lot more than he let on, he always had, ever since he had been nothing but a bottomless pit of a child, fat and round like a dumpling--
But wha was he thinking?!  He couldn't be going soft on Goku now-- Goku would certainly get the wrong idea!  Because even if Sanzo liked being alone with Goku, that didn't mean he wanted to touch him (okay, well, maybe a little, but only a little!) or be intimate with him or do any of that Gojyo-and-Hakkai sort of thing!  There was just something about him that made Sanzo go soft, it wasn't like he wanted to purposefully!  But still... he did need his bandages changed... and having Goku's hands on his skin... having Goku so close in proximity to him... Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.  And so, eyeing Goku warningly, he replied, "If you fuck up, I'll kill you."  
“Oh, I won’t! I swear!” Goku said eagerly, darting to get the supplies. “I really did redo Gojyo’s—Hakkai didn’t help at all! And they came out good enough.” Goku nodded, then realized ‘good enough’ was unlikely to be good enough for Sanzo, so he added quickly, “But he was squirmin’ all over th’place, an’stuff, so I know I can do better on you.” He blushed for some reason, but ignored it, sitting down next to Sanzo, suddenly feeling a little hesitant. He wasn’t really used to seeing Sanzo shirtless, he realized, and he would be, once Goku got the bandages off. Not that he minded! It was sorta exciting, in fact, like the prospect of a good fight or a huge meal. Different, though…but sorta similar in the way it made him heat up…But maybe that was different too? It was hard to tell. “So, ummm…I’m gonna start now. Lemme know if...well, if it hurts, or sumthin’.” Goku smiled and reached forward, deliberately placing one hand on Sanzo’s back and then the other, testing how it felt before he actually moved to begin unwinding. “Jus’ lemme know!” he reiterated awkwardly. 
Sanzo felt his face heat up as he felt Goku's hands against his skin, and he looked away, trying to hide the vivid blush playing across his pale skin.  "If it hurts, you're dead," he replied in a sort of half-growl-half-stutter, hoping Goku wasn't noticing how this proximity was affecting him.  But fuck-- if this was how he was reacting to something as simple as this... he really couldn't lie to himself anymore.  This was ridiculous but... it was Goku, Goku who had always been his charge to care for, Goku would was immortal and would never, ever die on him.  That made it okay... right?  It better be.  
Then again, what did Sanzo care about rules anyway?  For fuck's sake, he was an extremely high ranking Buddhist priest and he ate meat, smoked and killed hundreds of people a week.  Rules meant nothing... it was all about what he wanted, right?  And what he wanted right now was Goku.  So what was the problem with that?  He just had to be assertive about it, had not be too mushy about it.  Somehow.  
--But what if Goku didn't want him back?  What if Goku liked someone else or just didn't like him or was into (Merciful Goddess forbid) girls.  The thought was too devastating to even think about, surprisingly so, even, and Sanzo knew that, no matter what, he didn't have a choice.  He would prove to Goku that he didn't need anyone else.  After all, Sanzo had always been the one there for him, the one caring for him... why should that change now?  
But then, that begged the question: how?  What exactly was he supposed to do?  Gods, this was stupid, but he wasn't about to write Goku a loveletter or ask him out on a date or something!!  So how did he say "I love you" without being a blushing schoolgirl about it?!  This was so stupid!!  But then, Goku, finishing unwrapping his old bandages, brushed a hand lightly against the bare skin of his chest and there was just something about it that sent a shiver down his spine and he almost blushed again at the reaction but managed to bite it back.  "Watch what you're doing, monkey," he grumbled, but the words didn't have any heart behind them.  Sanzo's mind was, after all, already occupied with trying to figure out what the fuck he was going to do about this whole situation...
Goku jerked his hand back abruptly and squeezed his eyes shut, expecting a hit, or sumthin’. “Sorry!” He excused himself quickly when no such reprimand came. His hand was sorta’ tingly, like an electric shock. He’d felt the jolt right when he’d accidentally touched Sanzo…and well…it wasn’t a bad feeling. Goku’s blush, which had started out as just a light heat, was now a vibrant red. He hoped Sanzo didn’t notice… Slowly, Goku opened his eyes again and gulped, looking over Sanzo’s muscular chest. He had a lot of scars—it was super cool! Except for the ones that Goku recognized…like the one from Rikudo…that time it had really been his fault. Just below it was the single puncture wound that had almost taken Sanzo away again. It was still a little bloody and just seeing it almost made Goku want to cry. “’m sorry, Sanzo…” He mumbled. He’d have to touch Sanzo again to clean it, so he took a breath, bracing himself for another one of those electric rushes that sent shivers of excitement through his whole body.
Tenderly, he cleaned the puncture wound, front and back, then glanced up at Sanzo with a gulp. “Sanzo…when I touch you it makes me feel all bubbly, an’stuff. Like a really tasty soda!” He blushed and looked down shyly. Sanzo probably thought he was being really stupid. It probably happened to everyone? Though, it didn’t happen with Gojyo. Maybe cuz he was gross and annoying? Whatever the feeling was, Goku felt stupid for having tried to tell Sanzo. He simply couldn’t explain, so he continued his duty by adding hurriedly, “I’ll finish wrapping it now!”
At Goku's words, Sanzo felt a smile curl at the corners of his lips, but he did his best to fight it back until Goku had turned away to get the bandages.  At least, it seemed, he didn't have to worry about Goku being unreceptive.  But still, that didn't really help Sanzo any; he still had no idea how to act, what to say, how to convey how he felt without being stupid about it.  Still, as he thought about it, he recalled how Goku had reacted when he saw the wounds Sanzo had recently received, how guilty he had looked, and how miserable he had seemed earlier.  Sanzo hated more than almost anything else in the world to see Goku upset, and the drive to make him feel better suddenly outweighed the awkwardness, the embarrassment.  Sanzo's inhibitions didn't mean more to him than Goku, and so, he decided, he would act.  He would do something now, to let the stupid monkey know he better cheer up if he knew what was good for him.  
As Goku returned and started to wrap his bandages, Sanzo felt himself begin to blush again, and looked away, trying to gather himself.  He was never going to be able to do this is he kept being stupid about it!!  He internally smacked himself, trying to think of something, anything appropriate to say, to do.  His time was quickly running out, though, as Goku began to tie the bandages off, and Sanzo was mildly surprised that he had really wrapped the wound quite competently.  But he had to act now, he told himself, and so before Goku could pull away, he caught his wrist keeping him from withdrawing completely.  
Goku seemed surprised, and Sanzo caught his eyes, just looking into them for a moment.  Sanzo had always been told that golden eyes were bad luck, a sign of misfortune, of misery.  But, it seemed, Goku's golden eyes had only ever brought him good fortune, given him something to hold on to, something to love, and with that, suddenly, he had the clarity of mind to speak.  "You're actually not bad at this, monkey," he remarked, and without giving Goku any time to respond, pulled him into a kiss.
Goku tensed, surprised and unsure of what he was supposed to do. But it seemed, even before he understood mentally that what Sanzo was sharing with him now was a kiss, and that it was a good thing, his body and his reflexes had already taken over and he was kissing back. It was weird; he would’ve never thought that putting your mouth all over someone else’s would feel good, but it did. Really really good. Like that electric bubbly soda feeling ten times better plus all the heat and excitement of the best fight ever. Sumthin’ like that, though that really didn’t even describe it…but he didn’t need to describe it to enjoy it. Goku just hoped that it wouldn’t end…and that maybe Sanzo would tell him what it meant for it to feel so good.
Sanzo could feel his face flushing, but damn.  He couldn't help it, he placed a hand on Goku's shoulder, pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss.  This was better than he had imagined, better than he had ever even considered.  He really did love Goku, he knew, and he really had wanted this for so long.  But as his body insisted that he needed to breathe and he finally pulled away for air, it was suddenly apparent to him that he still didn't know how to verbalize these feelings to Goku.  Cursing internally and blushing bright red, he crossed his arms and pulled away entirely, looking the other way to hide his bright blush.  Unable to even find words, he made a shooing motion, anything to get Goku out of the room so that he could think... because while Goku was there, Sanzo was afraid his body would override his mind.  Right now, he just needed to sort his thoughts out, so that he could find the right thing to say...
Goku stared wide-eyed at Sanzo for a minute, disbelievingly. “You want me to go…?” he asked after a moment. Swallowing Goku got to his feet and looked at the floor. What did it mean for Sanzo to kiss him and then make him leave…? Maybe…he’d done something wrong?! Goku was gripped with a sudden feeling of panic and swung around quickly just to make sure Sanzo didn’t want him to go back, or anything, but he seemed lost in thought, and Goku knew that if he ever wanted a kiss again, he would need to do as Sanzo told him.
Goku shut the door behind him and leaned against it, moving his tongue over his mouth; he could still taste Sanzo… And he…he wanted it again. Goku wondered for a moment if all the time he’d thought he’d been hungry, he’d just needed a kiss…? It was so weird to be thinking about, but it was almost as if his gut had tightened…it wasn’t like being hungry. He really just wanted Sanzo, but he couldn’t describe it and he still didn’t know why it was happening now. Maybe he could ask Hakkai…? And, uhh…maybe the kissing was something Gojyo would get? But, Goku thought to himself, crossing his arms. This kissing was different than Gojyo’s. Obviously, because it was with Sanzo, it was better. It meant more.
Goku knocked on their door across the hall and let himself in, blushing at the very thought of what he was about to ask, and then blushing even more when he saw just how close Gojyo and Hakkai were sitting. That was a new development, right!? They’d always been close but never that close. It was just what he was talking about with Sanzo when—
Goku ignored Gojyo and Hakkai’s comfortable looking position and pulled up a chair, falling into it as he tried not to think about how much he’d like to sit with Sanzo the way Gojyo and Hakkai were sitting. “Sanzo made me leave…” Goku sighed. “But before that, he kissed me.” He looked up at Hakkai expectantly. Hakkai always gave good advice. And hopefully, the ero-kappa wouldn’t pervert what had happened with some kind of comment! It wasn’t wrong or weird or out of place or perverted. That much Goku knew for sure. “…what should I do, Hakkai?”
Hakkai blinked, surprised, sitting up as Goku told his story.  Would Sanzo really be that ridiculous?  Surely he would know that Goku wouldn't understand... but, he was Sanzo, and expressing his feelings wasn't exactly what he was best at... Shaking his head, Hakkai almost laughed. "Yare yare..."  Poor Goku.  He was probably so confused... but how could Hakkai explain to him?  Hakkai wasn't even sure he understood the workings of Sanzo's mind as it was.  Then again, Sanzo was in love with Goku, of that he was sure, and he had to assure Goku, somehow, too.  He wasn't sure of the best advice, but that, he decided was a good place to start.  "Goku... you can't think that it's because Sanzo doesn't like you, all right?  Please understand that he's just very poor at expressing his feelings for others... you mustn't be discouraged or disheartened.  Believe me when I say that Sanzo cares for you very, very much, okay?"  
“What? He kissed you?” Gojyo burst into laughter, making a minimal effort to contain himself since Goku was obviously in distress. “I wouldn’t have expected him to have the guts—though I guess that’s why he threw you out.” Gojyo pinched his voice slightly in a teasing manner. “Poor Sanzo is so shy!”
“I know—I know he cares about me—but, why did he kiss me?” Goku glared once at Gojyo. He knew he wouldn’t understand! “Should I ask him? I think he’ll hit me if I do something too dumb… And why would he be shy?” Goku demanded quickly, always fast to defend Sanzo. “I’ve known him for forever! What’s there that he doesn’t want to tell me?”
“Maybe he wants to but can’t?” Gojyo said nonchalantly. He was happy for the two of them, assuming the idiot monkey and amusingly shy priest could get it together. Still, now that he thought about it… Goddamn it, they’d kissed before he and Hakkai had! Not cool. Fucking pushy-ass priest. Still, they’d probably all have to spell it out for Goku to get it, and therefore, it didn’t count. Somehow. “Don’t be such a baby. If you liked it you liked it. Go tell him. Don’t whine about it to us.”
Hakkai gave Gojyo a disapproving look, then turned back to Goku, leaning forwards a little bit and looking him in the eye.  He looked so confused and so dejected, and Hakkai felt sympathetic.  Had Sanzo seen Goku's face now, Hakkai could only imagine his conscience might get the best of him, but alas, it seemed the two weren't going to get anywhere without their help.  "That's why he kissed you, Goku.  Because he cares about you.  Do you understand?"  He smiled comfortingly.  "You care a lot about Sanzo, too, right?  And you liked it when he kissed you, am I correct?"  Goku was so innocently sweet sometimes, and even now, watching even the smallest bit of understanding, of hope dawn in his eyes, Hakkai couldn't help but feel a little warm inside.  "Sanzo is afraid to tell you how he feels about you.  You've known him the longest of all of us, you know that he always hides his feelings.  So what I think you need to do is to tell him how you feel about him... maybe that way he'll be a little less shy.  How does that sound?"  He smiled, hoping Goku understood.  
“Ya’ think?” Goku asked, moving his tongue over his teeth once again. The taste of Sanzo was almost gone… And he didn’t want to lose it, so maybe—maybe if he said something to Sanzo they could kiss again and Sanzo would be able to say what he needed to and not be so shy. Goku really hadn’t every through of Sanzo as shy, though! Sanzo always seemed really upfront about how annoying he thought he was… Then again, Goku knew—somehow—that Sanzo really cared for him a lot. Maybe that’s what Hakkai was talking about? But if that was all it was, Sanzo didn’t need to say anything; Goku already knew, and he knew he felt the same way. “Won’t he yell at me for goin’ in there again?”
“Even if he does, you should still tell ‘em how you feel. Just be prepared to dodge some bullets.” Gojyo smirked at Goku with a shrug.
Hakkai smiled reassuringly.  "I'm positive something will work out, Goku.  Sanzo cares for you more than anyone, and if you're honest to him and say how you feel, things will turn out fine."  He leaned forward, giving Goku an urging pat on the shoulder.  "Go on.  Everything will be fine."  
“Okay…” Goku smiled, turning slowly. Hopefully he could say what he meant! He didn’t want to sound dumb in front of Sanzo… But he felt it was important he told him what he felt like, if he could. “Thanks Hakkai.” Goku said over his shoulder as he reached the door. He hoped Hakkai was right…
Goku knocked once on the Shut door to Sanzo’s room, and when he heard no gunshots, or anything else dangerous like that, he called through the door that it was him and pushed it open slowly. “Sanzo?” He asked hesitantly. “I know you wanted me t’leave, but I jus’wanna say that I really like you a lot!” He smiled brightly up at Sanzo, then felt embarrassed and looked back down. Maybe this wasn’t what he was suppose to tell him? “And I know—I know you care about me too, so… So you don’t have to be shy!” Goku added with renewed determination. He didn’t want to be thrown out again, so he had to make sure he said things the right way. “You can tell me whatever, or not tell me, but I—I think I know, so yeah.” Goku took a few more steps forward and looked up at Sanzo. “And I liked it. The kiss.”
Sanzo stared at Goku as he spoke, completely surprised, completely at a loss for words.  Even while he had been thinking, he just didn't know what to do; he loved Goku, but Bad Things happened to anyone he loved, and he certainly didn't want Bad Things to happen to Goku... but now, hearing Goku say it, it seemed so simple, so sweet and so pure, and Sanzo couldn't even help himself anymore.  He fought it, but the corners of his lips curled up in a smile and he shook his head.  "Idiot," he replied, but the word came out with a hint of tenderness in it, and he sighed.  Placing a hand on Goku's head, he looked him in the eye, so drawn in by those big, golden eyes.  "Maybe, if you're less annoying, then, you'll get one more often."  And with that, he kissed Goku again, but this time had the restraint to pull back after a moment, had the will to speak his mind.  "Okay?"  
Goku’s eyes opened slowly and he beamed up at Sanzo with a look of pure adoration. “I will! You watch—I won’t ever be annoying again!” He nodded firmly to solidify his promise and relaxed into the weight of Sanzo’s hand on his head. He loved feeling that kind of connection, and it was probably why he didn’t mind when Sanzo hit him, really. But he could certainly get used to this instead…and he would love to see Sanzo smile more, too, the way he just had. It was so warm, so soft and golden and comforting and beautiful—like the sun; his light. Goku hoped he could make Sanzo smile again, and, thinking about how happy Sanzo touching him made Goku feel, he decided to try and do the same for him. Gently, so as not to hurt him in his current state, Goku leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Sanzo with a sight of contentment. “Sanzo,” he cooed, for no reason other than to say it. “I love you.” Goku wasn’t positive, but he thought that was the right word. If he used it wrong, though, maybe Sanzo would get mad? Hopefully not.
Sanzo sighed and shook his head, letting out one soft "che."  The monkey, of course, was naive as ever, but there was something really sweet about it, something comforting and reminiscent of the little boy Sanzo had taken in years and years ago.  Being this close, being intimate... it was strange to Sanzo, but with Goku, it was just-- he hated to admit it, but it was just so good.  It felt right.  He liked it.  Of course, he couldn't let Goku get too full of himself!  Or else he'd just be more annoying!  But maybe a little bit... it would be okay... Softly, he placed his arms around Goku, pulling him a little closer, feeling almost a little possessive.  "...Yeah..." he responded quietly, resting his face in Goku's hair and breathing in the comforting scent.  "Stupid monkey.  You better not be annoying, since it seems like we're going to be rooming together for a while, now..."  In truth, Sanzo wasn't too upset about this... but he couldn't boost Goku's ego!
“For real!?” Goku asked, his disbelief overwhelmed with happiness and excitement. “That’s awesome! I always want to room with you, Sanzo.” He grinned into Sanzo’s chest and pressed against him a little closer, only to find himself embraced to be wishing that there wasn’t a layer of bandages separating his cheek from Sanzo’s skin and muscular chest. Still, even though the bandage, Goku could smell him and he was even better than delicious-smelling, somehow, in an indescribable way. Then, lowering his voice to be perfectly serious, Goku mumbled against Sanzo, tightening his grip ever so slightly. “Sanzo…I’ll do whatever you want…Jus’lemme stay like this with you.” He had this feeling he’d been close to having something this good before…but this time, he wouldn’t lose it, he was sure.
Sanzo shook his head and "che"d again.  "Idiot.  If you had to do anything intelligent, you'd be out of luck.  Just try not to act like a moron."  He held Goku tightly for another moment, savoring the feeling, before taking a step back, letting go, falling back into character.  "Now.  Shut the fuck up so I can rest, got it?"  After all he was injured!  His legs still felt a little weak underneath him, and he moved to his bed, dropping into it somewhat undiginifedly and laying flat on his back.  Now that all his problems were solved and things were better than okay with Goku, it was time for a well-deserved nap.
“Okay!” Goku chirped happily, ignoring the comment about not being a moron. “I’ll rest with you!” Goku wasn’t exactly tired, but he wasn’t about to leave Sanzo alone! “I’ll be really really still—you won’t even notice that I’m here,” Goku said assuringly as he carefully crawled into the bed next to Sanzo and situated himself comfortably pressed into the crook of his arm. “And s’not like I can go to the other room,” Goku added quickly before Sanzo could tell him to leave, “Gojyo an’ Hakkai are bein’ all weird over there.”
Sanzo almost laughed.  Not that he liked being compared to Gojyo and Hakkai, but he got the feeling that Goku was acting just as "weird" as those two... though one could never say.  Still, having Goku pressed up against him felt good, and he closed his eyes.  "You better not move, stupid monkey.  If I even feel one twitch, you're dead."  But both of them knew that was a lie, and it was better that way.  It was better this way, Sanzo decided to himself, putting an arm lightly around Goku.  Maybe things really were all right, after all.  
It struck Gojyo as somewhat odd that he was still sitting in the backseat with the monkey. It seemed like the little brat and Sanzo were always cuddling or kissing, or touching, or something, for crying out loud, so why didn’t they sit together? ‘Cause damn it, he and Hakkai never did anything together, it seemed, so if he could at least sit fucking next to him, it would have been something. Anything! Damn it, Gojyo wanted anything… They held hands, they did cuddle occasionally—it was true—he had snuck a kiss or two onto Hakkai’s cheek…but honestly! The damn monkey surely got more than he did, from fucking Sanzo!
And it wasn’t that Gojyo didn’t mind waiting, really…he wanted to wait until Hakkai felt comfortable again. But this kind of waiting was intolerable. He needed something! Some kind of sign that eventually Hakkai would be ready…that he’d be willing to be touched and maybe even reciprocate. And shit, after almost two months with his hand, it wouldn’t take much to reassure him. Anything would be better than what he had now…it didn’t fucking help matters that Sanzo and Goku were together, either. That was probably the main problem. In the span of such a short time, he’d gone from getting more than the other three combined (obviously) to nothing at all. His ego just couldn’t take it—a fucking priest and a whiny little monkey getting more (together) than him. It sucked on every fucking level.
At least Goku was asleep. Gojyo couldn’t take being yelled at by Sanzo, now that he knew it was just some weird little lover’s game they were playing, or something. Everything made him jealous. And everything Hakkai did made him want him even more—it was fucking painful just to look at him lately. He was seriously falling apart.
They were pulling into the town, though, finally. It was already dark and nearly everything was closed. Shit, Goku wasn’t going to be happy they’d missed dinner, but at least they wouldn’t be sleeping outside again. That was the worst. ‘Cause then Gojyo could see Hakkai lying there and do nothing about it, even as he heard Goku giggle, or something infuriating like that, ‘cause Sanzo’d just put an arm around him—or whatever it was they did. He tried not to notice since it only made him crave Hakkai all the more. Damn, he was so fucking horny. He’d take a shower right away. 
Gojyo sighed, leaning back into his seat. “Yo.” He poked Goku in the side. “We’re almost to the inn.”
“Nnnn…” Goku brushed his hand away, smiling serenely, “that tickles, Sanzo…” Gojyo made a face and resolved to leave the monkey where he was. He could sleep outside. Goku snapped to attention once Hakkai pulled Jeep to a halt outside the small town’s only inn, however, and sprang to his feet. “Dinner?” Goku inquired, hopping down to the ground. “Why’d it get so dark al’of’a’sudden?”
“Stupid monkey,” Gojyo laughed, though it came out strained. “Everything’s closed already.”
“What?!” Goku stammered. “Everything? N-no way!” he whined, trotting to catch up with Sanzo and Hakkai who were already on their way to the front desk to check in. Gojyo sighed, hanging back to light a cigarette and take a few long drags in silence before heading inside as well, silently stopping just behind Hakkai, and somehow resisting the temptation to lean against him the way Goku was already hanging all over Sanzo.
Hakkai ignored Goku and Gojyo's banter, making his way, with Sanzo at his heels, to the front desk.  It had been two months since the incident with Chin Yisou, and Hakkai was finally beginning to be able to forget about it.  However, once in a while, he still had nightmares about being touched, being invaded as he had been two months ago... But having Gojyo helped, and, slowly but surely, things were getting better.  Still, he didn't like the thought of anything too intimate, anything too intrusive... He was still frightened, when it came down to it, ashamed and frightened.  
But still.  During the day, in the group, there were things to be taken care of, and Hakkai could easily keep his mind occupied, something for which he was very glad.  Smiling politely at the clerk, he got her attention.  "Excuse me, we'd like two double rooms, please, with two single beds each--"  
He was cut off, however, when Sanzo muttered something, and he glanced over his shoulder.  "What was that, Sanzo?"  
Sanzo's voice was almost inaudible, but Hakkai managed to catch his request this time: "One with a double."  
Hakkai smiled knowingly, nodding.  "Ahh, of course, Sanzo."  Turning back to the clerk, he modified, "I'm sorry, two doubles, one with two single beds and one with a double bed, please."  Sanzo and Goku's relationship really was adorable, and Hakkai was nothing but happy for them.  Though, he was slightly jealous of their sweet innocence... there was nothing he could do about that.  He was a sinner and a monster through and through, but it was something with which he had come to terms.  
Taking the keys from the clerk with another smile and a polite word of thanks, he handed Sanzo and Goku's key to Sanzo.  "There you are... Anything else you'd like, before we turn in, then?  I'm sorry it got to be so late..."
“Dinner~! Lez’go get dinner!” Goku chimed, his energy somehow entirely restored.
Gojyo hardly heard him, however—he was still too much in shock. Sanzo had—fucking Sanzo asked for a double bed, and without even blinking, Hakkai’d gotten one for them. Did the thought even cross his mind that they were together too? That the two of them could theoretically share a bed themselves? He’d probably thought it through completely; Hakkai was always very calculating. No doubt he’d considered sharing a bed, then thought better of it, talking himself out of the idea of being that close. God damn it. If he had—if he had it wasn’t as if Gojyo would have done anything Hakkai didn’t want! Fuck. Gojyo would obviously have to wait a very long time for anything if Hakkai didn’t even want to be close to him.
And the damn monkey was too busy worrying about food to have heard any of it. Would he even appreciate it, Gojyo wondered? Would he realize just how much a similar gesture on Hakkai’s part would have meant to him? No, certainly not. He’d just cruel up in Sanzo’s arms and—fuck. Gojyo couldn’t stand to think about it. It was just too upsetting.
Gojyo took a deep breath and clenched his jaw, crushing the cigarette—hadn’t done anything for his nerves, fucking thing. He still needed a shower and now he was miserable to boot. Gojyo flicked the butt into an ashtray and turned to Hakkai, making a show of being tired. “Can I have the key, ‘Kai? I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.” He watched as Goku practically bounced around in circles begging Sanzo to feed him and added with a laugh for good measure, “Fucking monkey’s wearing me out just to look at him.”
Hakkai nodded, but hesitated in handing the key to Gojyo.  It seemed as if something was wrong... and Hakkai was worried.  He had noticed before, but figured it was the wear and tear of the road that had Gojyo out of sorts, but he hoped, somehow, that arriving in town would make things even a little better.  "Is everything all right, Gojyo...?  I'll be up soon, after everything else is taken care of... of course, if you want to go to bed before I return, I'll do my best not to disturb you."  He smiled, hoping he could offer some form of comfort.  "If you'd like, though, I'll make you some tea when I get back, and I'll look to see how everything's healing?  It might make you feel a little better...  Only if you want, of course."  It really did upset him to see Gojyo in such poor spirits, and he wanted to help.  
"Before that, Hakkai.  You'd better help me feed the ravenous animal."  Hakkai turned to Sanzo, who was pointedly ignoring Goku.  "Oh, of course."  With a glance back at Gojyo and a hopeful smile, he added, "As soon as I get back, all right, Gojyo?"  
“Oh yeah, of course.” Gojyo waved distractedly before turning to head up stairs. “Take your time…I’ll probably still be up.” He needed a long shower after this crappy day. Tea might help, too…but then again, maybe it would be better if he just went straight to bed. Sleep might, might distract him at least a little bit from Hakkai.
“Jeez,” Goku frowned, folding his arms over his chest. “What’s up with him?” He asked Hakkai, watching as Gojyo seemed to sulk up the stairs. “He’s not even hungry?” Goku had no complaints, though, and shrugged. At least he wouldn’t have anyone that would try and steal his food! “Come’on, I’m starving~!”
"I'll be back as soon as possible," Hakkai promised to Gojyo's back before turning back to Goku.  "Yare yare.  Well, let's find you something to eat then."  It was a bit of a conundrum, considering nothing was open this late in the evening, and he glanced to Sanzo, who seemed completely indifferent.  The only option seemed to be the kitchen, marked by a labeled door off to the side of the restaurant area.  "Well, it seems as if there's no other option," Hakkai remarked blandly with a laugh, leading the way.  
The kitchen was understandably empty, and Hakkai nosed around for a moment, acquainting himself with the locations of various supplies.  "If we wash the dishes and put everything away, no one will ever know," he assured with a smile, though he doubted Sanzo or Goku even cared.  "Now... how does okonomiyaki sound?  That will be easy to wrap up and bring with us, don't you think?  That way, I can bring some to Gojyo, too."  That ought to cheer Gojyo up a little... right? 
"Monkey.  Wait outside."  Hakkai was startled by the order, and blinked at Sanzo for a moment before returning to gathering ingredients.  Anticipating Goku's whining, Sanzo added, "If you pester Hakkai, this will only take longer, and knowing you, you'll probably destroy something in here.  So if you want to be fed, go wait outside the kitchen."  It was not a request.  Sanzo needed the time alone to talk to Hakkai, and he knew Goku would do as he said, eventually.  He hated to have to go out of his way to get involved, but if Gojyo got any sulkier than he already was, Sanzo didn't think he would be able to tolerate it.  
“Okonomiyaki~!” Goku was still cheering even as Sanzo spoke. As soon as he realized what he was being told to do, however, his expression became sour and he adopted his most serious voice. “Why? I won’break anythin’! And I can be quite, too!” Still, Goku recognized Sanzo tone and knew that he was expected to obey. He could also tell that there was something on Sanzo’s mind, undoubtedly something he wanted to talk to Hakkai about that he didn’t want Goku to hear. It sucked always being left out. “I don’t get why you guys can’t say stuff in front of me. I’m not a kid.” Goku said sulkily as he made his way to the door, pausing for a moment in the hopes that Sanzo Would see his point and call him back. It didn’t happen, of course, and so with a sigh, he slipped out into the lobby to wait. At least he would be getting delicious Hakkai-made okonomiyaki soon~
Sanzo watched Goku leave, feeling very very slightly bad and making a mental note to make it up to him later (without letting on that he even felt bad at all!)  before turning back to Hakkai, who was currently somewhat involved in mixing batter.  It didn't matter to Sanzo what Hakkai was doing, however; Hakkai would probably rather have a front to hide behind, anyway.  He only waited a moment, watching Hakkai work uninterestedly before speaking.  
"So.  When are you planning on stopping this idiocy?"  
Hakkai blinked, looking over to Sanzo for a moment, hesitating in stirring the batter.  "I... I can't imagine what you're referencing, Sanzo...?"  
Sanzo rolled his eyes.  "You're more idiotic than I thought if you haven't noticed how ridiculously mopey and sulky Gojyo's been for the gods only know how long."  
Hakkai froze, and Sanzo knew he had hit the right spot.  Leaning against a counter, he watched carefully as Hakkai looked down at his cooking, before turning to Sanzo with a smile.  "I really don't know what you're insinuating, Sanzo."  He was playing dumb, but Sanzo knew he knew, could tell he knew, and so he continued.  
"I don't care what either of you do... I don't care if you're happy or miserable, but I don't want to deal with either of your problems, and if you two are too busy moping around to do anything else and you get killed, that means more work for me."  He sighed, his disclaimer out of the way.  "I don't want to have to deal with his continual sulking and self pitying.  I don't care what you do about it, but put an end to it."  
Gojyo slumped against the wall of the shower and fumbled with the faucet to shut the water off, still panting and shaking slightly as his vision slowly returned. Shit, the things he did for Hakkai. Gojyo sighed and nearly choked on all the steam that had built up in the small room. He’d taken a longer shower than he’d intended, but he was quite certain Hakkai wouldn’t be back yet, luckily.
Gojyo toweled himself off slowly and went about his nightly activities, shaving and brushing his teeth and all the mundane stuff as he mulled over how miserable the night was going to be. After all, if Sanzo and Goku ended up doing anything, they were right in the room next door and they’d no doubt hear. Fucking awkward.
The smell of okonomiyaki was becoming stronger as the cakes cooked in the pan, and Hakkai didn't take his eyes off of them, something uncertain behind his half-smile.  "I... don't know what you want me to do, Sanzo."  
Sanzo sighed.  He was going to have to spell it out, as always.  Hakkai, for being so intelligent, really was stupid when I came to some things... but, he guessed, no matter what, he was surrounded by stupidity.  "You do realize there's absolutely nothing wrong with you."  
Hakkai laughed, his smile twisting humourlessly.  "I beg to differ."  Carefully, he flipped the okonomiyaki, with the precision of a surgeon, and Sanzo was amazed by his ability to disconnect his body from his mind and his heart.  Still, his idiocy was astounding, and Sanzo sighed again.  
"Gojyo certainly doesn't seem to think so.  And not that I really care, but it seems to me that being tortured is hardly your fault."  Sanzo eyed Hakkai as he began to peel the okonomiyaki from the pan.  
"It's not that, Sanzo..."  Hakkai stopped for a moment, and Sanzo was surprised as he set his things aside for a moment, looking up at him.  "It's that... I... I did some very shameful things, and because of that, I..."  
"You what?"  Sanzo raised an eyebrow.  "You're going to act like an idiot and make yourself and everyone who cares about you miserable?  That's very intelligent of you."  He sighed heavily, shaking his head, before deciding he had to spell everything out for Hakkai.  "Look, you're only fucking human.  Besides, I know I could care less, but I also know how much you hate making the kappa unhappy, and you're doing an excellent job of that right now.  So do what you like, but if you're both miserable, don't blame me if I shoot you both."  
Hakkai stared at Sanzo for a moment, completely still, before beginning the next round of okonomiyaki, but Sanzo noticed a small smile appearing on his lips.  Nodding, his job done, he rose, heading for the door.  "I'll wait with the monkey, then.  Hurry up,"  
Hakkai nodded, smiling.  "Of course, Sanzo."
Tags: bl, saiyuki

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