Title: Holding On
Disclaimer: Secret Box belongs to *pnish*
Warnings: BL... fluff... drabble...
Author's Note: Secret Box is so sweet~ I think it's my second favourite *pnish* show right now. Haru/Izumi is so cute... and so canon. XD;
Even long after everything is over and done with, after Izumi's mother is released from the hospital and all the panic and poor decisions surrounding the incident have fallen away, Izumi himself is just cresting the hill towards full recovery. Despite how much he tries to put on appearances, to seem that he's perfectly all right, some of his family's fear had not been misplaced. He's not dead, certainly, he's very much alive and well enough to move around on his own, to pretend he's in perfect health, but his smile are strained and his body is weak and, behind closed doors, his breathing is laboured and his body trembles from the effort of masking how much pain he's in.
Luckily, no one says anything - either he's doing a good enough job that his family doesn't notice or after everything that came between them, they're hesitant to call him on his bluff. He keeps his visits with Secrets short enough that he hopes no one will notice, and it's probably a fairly good bet that Taji and Ricchi aren't observant or empathetic enough. He simply has to be careful enough not to let Azuma touch him and avoid any questions from Momose-san, and he's home free, so long as he refuses to stay later than one meal, or half an hour of talking, or one cup of tea.
And then there's the matter of Haru. Haru doesn't say anything either, not in public, but he looks at Izumi in that way that he does, long and serious, and Izumi can't meet his gaze, not when he looks at him that way. Haru's eyes are somehow his weakness; they're so full of an emotion that Izumi can't fully understand and yet just looking at them makes Izumi feel like he might simply dissolve and cry. He knows Haru must know, and yet he remains silent, only looks on as Izumi smiles and fakes it.
This little charade goes on for a few weeks, until one day, one his way out the door, Haru catches Izumi's hand, gently but firmly all the same. Izumi starts visibly and is embarrassed for it; Haru would never have to use any force on him, of course, and Izumi halts immediately, his breath catching in his throat as he looks up at the older man. Behind Haru, the other three are scattering to different rooms of the house, and Haru simply looks at him for a long moment before asking softly, "Stay for a little while?"
It's irresponsible to say yes, Izumi knows, he shouldn't stay, and yet he nods all the same, gazing back into Haru's eyes despite the way they make his stomach flip-flop, and he follows Haru back into the now-vacated living room. Haru doesn't sit, and so Izumi doesn't either, standing opposite him and looking at him hesitantly, not wanting Haru to let go of his hand and not wanting to think about why. It isn't like he doesn't already know, really, just how much he cares about the other man, but he can't let himself think about it, can't let it slip out and ruin everything, not when Izumi has always prided himself on his responsibility and will-power. And so he remains silent and hides how much his heart falls when Haru drops his hand just as he hides how much it hurts him even to be standing up.
"Izumi," Haru starts, and Izumi pushes all those thoughts from his mind, looking up at him. He doesn't know what to expect, doesn't know what this is about; he can only hope that Haru isn't going to call him his weakness, isn't going to tell him off. After all, Haru has always been the one to understand his heart better than anyone, and Izumi simply couldn't take it if Haru were to think poorly of him. There's another moment of silence, and Haru looks down, fidgeting and wringing his hands before continuing. "It would probably be good if you were to take it easy... don't you think?"
His voice is quiet, hesitant, and Izumi is only more confused. Does he know, or doesn't he? Izumi isn't sure what he's playing at, and so he doesn't let his guard down, shrugging and looking at his feet. "I'm fine, Haru-san."
He isn't sure what he's expecting, but he certainly isn't expecting what happens, and for a moment, he's positive he must be dreaming. But sure enough, all of a sudden, he's wrapped up tightly in Haru's arms, and he hasn't moved an inch- Haru is holding him. The implications of that overwhelm him like a tidal wave, and it takes him a long moment to realize that he's gone stiff, just standing there like an idiot. Carefully, he places his arms around Haru's back, relaxing into the embrace, and somehow, this makes Haru hold him tighter still, like he'll never let Izumi go. But that's fine with Izumi, if anything, he wants this to go on forever, and when Haru speaks again, irrationally, he's almost afraid that it will be some form of goodbye.
But it's something much softer, and Haru's voice is quiet and shaking as he speaks, "I believe in you... but I don't want to lose you."
Izumi's heart is in his throat and there are tears in his eyes all of a sudden, and there are so many things he wants to say, so many sentiments he wants to express. And yet, his mouth is dry and none of them will come out, and so he swallows, resting his head on Haru's shoulder. Even as his body trembles and aches, relaxing into Haru's embrace feels so, so right, and he thinks maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't hurt him to let go once in a while. But for right now... right now, the only thing he wants to do is hold on, and hold on, and hold on.