...This song is NEVER going to NOT be stuck in my head.
Disclaimer: Panic Age is still not mine... and really, I don't want it. XD;
Rating: PG maybe?
Pairing: Eiji/Daiki (in their fictional Panic Age selves)
Warnings: AU! BL, men kissing, vague angst, drabble
Author's Note: This is an AU straying from Panic Age canon about 15 or so years before the action of the play takes place. XD; I wanted to write something cute for this universe, and it's sort of hard with the canon they give you, so... this happened. XD;
Eiji comes back when Jay is three years old. He doesn't remember it all that well now; even at ten, three is still more than half his life ago, but he does remember snippets, flashbacks of what life was like before Eiji, of how things changed upon his return. He doesn't share these memories with anybody, doesn't dwell on them, but time to time, when he's laying in bed at night, he calls them up nonetheless, simply to reflect on everything that's happened.
After all, before Eiji, Jay's life was so starkly different than it is now that it's hard to even compare. He didn't really comprehend most of it at the time, was too young to understand the meanings, the implications, but he remembers darkened rooms and empty glass bottles and old newspaper clippings and photos of men he didn't recognize at the time. He remembers his father's tears, the screaming phone conversations with someone Jay has always suspected to be the mother he never knew, the sound of breaking glass and the swearing that followed. He remembers the realization dawning on his father's face when, in the early hours of the morning, roused by the noise, Jay would find his father still in a heap slouched over the kitchen table amongst a sea of bottles, and he remembers Daddy, what's wrong? and the way his father's voice trembled as he assured It's nothing, I promise, it's nothing.
And then he remembers the day when the man he only recognized from a few faded pictures came knocking on the door, and he remembers how, straight away, his father punched the man, right in the face. He remembers wondering what was going on, and why, even after that, the man came in and Jay was sent away to his room where, even behind closed doors, he could hear his father's shouting. He remembers, though, that after that, the man came back again, and again after that, and his father stopped hitting him, stopped calling him names and yelling. Jay remembers distinctly being introduced to the man, to Moriyama Eiji, and he remembers so well the unadulterated smile on Eiji's face as he looked up to Jay's father and said, his voice breathless in a way Jay still doesn't quite understand, He looks just like you.
He remembers when his father and Eiji started going out together and leaving him at home because it was at that point that he met Washio-san and Tsuchiya-san, but he remembers that sometimes, too, they took him along, took him out to dinner or shopping or to the amusement park. More than anything, he remembers being happy, happy to see his father smile and happy that Eiji made his father so happy, even if he did make a fuss about how gross it was when he first saw Eiji and his father kissing.
Jay remembers like it was yesterday the day that they moved into a new, bigger, brighter, cleaner apartment and how Eiji moved right in with them, and how Jay's only thought had been that now there would be someone who could really take care of his father if he was so sad and lonely in the middle of the night, but really, he knew that that sort of thing had stopped happening long ago, and, he knew, he had Eiji to thank for that, too.
And then after that, Jay usually falls asleep, but there's not much of a point in remembering much more, anyway, since things have pretty much been the same since. Right now, the apartment is decorated for Christmas, and tomorrow, Washio-san and Tsuchiya-san and Washio-kun and Ichiban-kun are coming over for a party, so right now, Jay's father is in the process of trying to decorate a cake, and when Jay gets tired of trying to help, he wanders into the living room, where Eiji is reading the newspaper. But, of course, he sets it aside when Jay comes into the room, and "Eiji-san," Jay bids, though he says it with the same warmth as he says Tousan to his own biological father, "Watch!" And Eiji diligently watches as Jay shows off the magic tricks and sleights of hand that he's been practicing, dutifully picks a card and acts more surprised than Jay knows he really is when Jay shows him the very same card after shuffling the deck. But of course, Jay plays along, it's all part of the act, and eventually, his father appears, too, clapping when Jay makes his handkerchief appear out of thin air and laughing as he sits beside Eiji on the couch. And as they proceed to praise Jay on his act, Jay can't imagine what life would be like without Eiji, because Eiji is everything.