Disclaimer: Panic Age is not mine! This is all *pnish*’s fault.
Pairing: Moriyama Eiji/Sano Daiki
Warnings: BL, kissing, talk of sex, AU
Author’s Note: When my actual Panic Age fic gets too depressing for me, this happens. XD; This was a request by fencer_x, so I hope you enjoy it, Court! I love writing kid!fic. XD;;;
Eiji never really signed on to be a parent, when it came down to it. He realizes, of course, that he gave up his say in the matter when he left for more than five years, and, of course, being with Daiki is the most important thing to him, but it isn't as if he sat down one day and decided he wanted a child. He knew, when he returned, that he wanted Daiki, and parenthood was simply part of the package that came along with Daiki, and so Eiji had accepted it to the best of his ability. And it isn't that he doesn't care about Jay, that isn't it at all; over the past few years, ever since Jay came into his life, he's grown to love the child as if he were his own son, and he takes joy in Jay's successes, hurts along with him in his failures. He would do almost anything for Jay, and he truly does think of himself as Jay's father, as much as that's possible--so it isn't as if he doesn't care about Jay, he cares about him more than almost anything else.
It's just that sometimes, he misses not having the responsibility of a child, sometimes he misses being able to be alone with Daiki for more than a few hours at most and a few minutes much more of the time, for more than stolen kisses when passing one another in the kitchen and the occasional date, few and far between. Living with Daiki is a luxury he'd never even dreamt of before his return, but it's almost teasing, almost painful when he sees so much of his lover and is allowed to show just how much he loves him so little. He misses being spontaneous, he misses late night convenience store runs and scary movies and just a little too much to drink, with Daiki clinging to him from the beginning and falling asleep on his shoulder by the end. And, stereotypically and expectedly, he misses sex the way it used to be, wherever and whenever they wanted, rather than hushed and hurried and behind closed bedroom doors. It's stupid and selfish of him, he knows, and really, he should be grateful that Daiki will have him back at all, but even if he knows better than to say it, he thinks it all the same.
Luckily, most of the time he has things to keep his mind off of it. Tonight, Daiki's off at a meeting with the people who are renting them a theatre in a few months, and has left him to look over Jay's homework and put him to bed. Jay, for his part, is endearingly excited, because Eiji's never been quite as strict as Daiki, and lets him stay up half an hour later to watch TV before tucking him in for the night. Once he's asleep, Eiji entertains himself with the sudoku in the newspaper for a few minutes until Daiki returns, and then, after a brief greeting, they've dishes to do and laundry to fold, and Daiki recounts Eiji with how they're getting a great deal and the theatre's really awesome and as Leader, he's done good again, and Eiji, as always, agrees obligingly, like a good fuku-leader should.
It's only after he's sure everything that needs to be done is done that Eiji leans over and presses a kiss to Daiki's lips, long but yielding, allowing him to back out at any moment. As much as Eiji wants him, he understands that it's not really about what he wants, and if Daiki says not now, or even not tonight, Eiji will not argue. But Daiki doesn't back out, doesn't pull away, and, pleased, Eiji kisses him long and deep and leisurely, when they do break just far enough to make eye contact, Daiki is the one who asks, "Wanna move to the bedroom...?"
Oh, but does Eiji ever, and once the door is closed behind them, he's pushing Daiki onto the bed and kissing him again, crawling over him and pinning him down. Daiki, in turn, throws his arms around Eiji's neck and pulls him closer still, and Eiji certainly isn't arguing. When Daiki turns his head, breaking the kiss to gasp for breath, Eiji takes advantage of the angle and presses kisses along his jawline and neck, his hands already at the hem of Daiki's shirt, pulling it up and sliding beneath. Daiki gasps out, but Eiji stifles it with another kiss, running a hand along the smooth contours of Daiki's body and pressing even closer and--
The voice comes from the doorway, and Daiki is practically shoving Eiji off of him, sitting up in an instant. Eiji, too, untangles himself into a sitting position, and sure enough, there is Jay in the doorway, tears in his eyes as he hovers close to the doorframe. Having gotten the attention of both parents, he takes a hesitant step inside, looking from Eiji to Daiki anxiously. "I had a bad dream... can I sleep with you?"
"Of course," Daiki responds without hesitation, and though, naturally, Eiji would not have turned him away, he's a little disappointed, all the same. Still, he slides a little to the side to allow Jay to crawl into bed between them, lifting up the covers for him as he settles. Neither Eiji nor Daiki have dressed for bed, but Daiki seems hesitant to leave Jay, and so Eiji doesn't get up, either, kicking off his socks and tugging off his shirt before sliding into bed next to his son. Jay still looks as if he might burst into tears, so Eiji offers him a smile, ruffling his hair gently. "Don't worry, kiddo, you're safe," he assures, and when Jay smiles back up at him, it makes Eiji feel just a bit warmer inside.
It takes Daiki a minute to settle, but then he bids Jay goodnight, also promising him that everything will be all right. Jay nods and says goodnight as well, but even after that, he rolls around, back and forth, for a few minutes before suddenly sidling up to Eiji and pressing tight against his side. It doesn't bother Eiji, but he's a little confused, and, vaguely concerned that something else is wrong, he rolls over to face Jay. "What's up, kiddo?" he asks drowsily, opening one eye to peer at the boy.
But nothing seems to be wrong; Jay is smiling gently back at him, both eyes closed, and shakes his head. "It's okay," he replies in a childishly matter-of-fact way, "I know I'm safe if I'm with you, Eiji-san."
And despite being interrupted, despite getting so little time alone with Daiki, despite all of the responsibilities the come along with the job, Eiji can't help but think that maybe being a parent is all right, after all.