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20 August 2013 @ 10:10 am
What's this, Yamada-centric fic?!  
title: where my heart belongs
rating: g
pairing: Yamada Ryosuke/Chinen Yuri
word count: 1,604
beta: yomimashou
author's note: Just watched the Kanshasai DVD last Friday, and so this happened ♥
summary: It makes Yamada feel as if he's been reborn, as if, with the coming spring, he too is growing little by little here where he belongs, with his group.

It's been a long, tiring winter by the time rehearsals for the Johnny's World Kanshasai roll around. Coming off a long run of performances of Johnny's World in the Imperial Theatre, Yamada had been thrust head-first into an endless stream of Kindaichi drama special filmings and solo single work and promotions, and it felt like it had barely gotten a chance to catch his breath before JUMP were gearing up to begin rehearsals for the March concert in Tokyo Dome. It wasn't really a bad thing, per se; Yamada had known what he was getting into when he signed up to be an idol and he does love his work, but it's been an exhausting few months of nonstop action, and by the time everything for Mystery Virgin is completely said and done, he wishes for a break… or something.

That something probably being a break in which one of his friends gets the spotlight-- only, if it were Yabu, everyone would be impressed with his singing, and Yuya would certainly blind the world with his beauty, while Ino-chan's wit and intelligence and Hikaru's comedic timing would no doubt leave Yamada in the dust. Dai-chan's charm and charisma, Keito's musical talent, Yuto's dancing, and Chinen's… well… everything-- they all make Yamada seem so small, and so while his solo debut has left him feeling guilty, as if he's done something wrong, as if he's stolen their limelight, at the same time, he worries that if it were someone else, Yamada would fall out of the public eye altogether. He loves JUMP with all of his heart, and so he tries his hardest to tell himself that his solo was for them, was to garner more interest for them, but he has trouble believing it, even still.

But that's all in the past, his solo and all the promotional performances and appearances are in the past, and somehow, he feels as if he's washed his hands of it. He'll still perform Mystery Virgin and Ai no Katamari at the Kanshasai and maybe at JUMP's upcoming concert tour, as well, but it's not the center of attention anymore, he's not the center of attention anymore, at least not that way. And somehow… it feels good. Despite all of his insecurities going into it, despite worrying that it wouldn't sell, that people wouldn't like it, that JUMP would judge him, that the fans would hate him… nothing catastrophic happened, and now, it's done and behind him. Behind them all.

He doesn't even really understand it himself, but once he can step out of the sphere of "solo debut" and back into the sphere of "JUMP," it somehow feels as if all the bad things from the past year are falling away, just a little, like when as a small child he'd gotten muddy playing outside and been subsequently hosed down by his mother. He'd always protested the washing, but in the end, he'd felt better once he was clean, and now, despite how many times he'd tried to tell himself that there was nothing wrong with the solo debut, now that it's over and done with, he really does feel like he can move forward with his life, with JUMP.

And so now, they're rehearsing for the Kanshasai, all of them as a group, and tiring as it is, long as the hours are, Yamada loves every moment of it. Being around JUMP makes him laugh, makes him smile, makes him feel warmer than he's felt all winter, and every time Yuya thumps him on the back, every time Yabu makes a dumb joke to him, every time Hikaru sends him a trolling text, every time Ino-chan whines to him about how all this sweat isn't good for their skin, every time Dai-chan allows Yamada to tease him, every time Keito goes with him to get food during their break, every time Yuto brings him a drink from the vending machine, every time Chinen quietly slips his hand into Yamada's as if to say I'm here for you… it makes Yamada feel as if he's been reborn, as if, with the coming spring, he too is growing little by little here where he belongs, with his group.

And so no matter how long and tiring rehearsals are, no matter how many weeks he's gone now without a break, Yamada gives his all and then some. He's never been a slacker, but something about being around JUMP gives him more strength than he knew he had, and despite how long and late rehearsals go, he feels both mentally and physically better than he ever did when he was working on Mystery Virgin. He likes everything about the Kanshasai more and more with each rehearsal, likes working with the other groups, both senpai like ABC-Z (because really, despite debuting so late, they'll always be his senpai) and kouhai like Sexy Zone and all the people who fall in between, juniors he's worked with for ages and juniors who admire him (admire him, him of all people!), likes sharing ideas and growing alongside them and alongside JUMP. But he likes the quiet moments equally, the moments of downtime with the rest of JUMP while ABC-Z rehearses a number, the dinners after and coffees in between, and most of all, he likes the two-person rehearsals with Chinen.

Strictly speaking, he doesn't really have to be there; it's already been decided that he'll lip sync Where My Heart Belongs, because it wouldn't do to have him strain his voice right before a run of JUMP concerts. But he wants to be there; he's part of the act, after all, and more importantly, it means rehearsals alone with Chinen. After more than a year of not quite seeing eye to eye, after a year of more time spent apart than together, in this new spring of his career, of his life, Yamada wants to spend as much time with Chinen as humanly possible. He doesn't know whose fault it was that things were so strained for so long, or if it was anyone's fault at all, but he knows that now, he wants to move on, wants to move past and make things right again, and from the way Chinen's been letting Yamada pull him close and responding me too when Yamada tells him time and time again that he loves him, it seems like that's what Chinen wants, too.

And so now here he is, standing at the back of the rehearsal studio and singing along with the recording as Chinen practices his leaps and his turns, and god, is all Yamada can think, Chinen really is beautiful. He's never met someone so talented before in his life, and maybe that was part of the problem, the fear that Chinen wouldn't want him when he realized that Yamada was all show and no real talent, the fear that Chinen would outshine him to the point that Yamada would just disappear from his life altogether, but he's trying to move past. Chinen hasn't ever been anything but supportive of Yamada, and, Yamada thinks, it's time to stop hiding behind criticisms drawn out by fits of insecurity, it's time to treat Chinen like the beautiful, stunning, graceful, talented, smart, witty person that he is, the kind of person that he wants to keep in his life, now and always.

And so when Chinen finishes the number and goes to turn off the CD player-- there's no rehearsal director for now; they're to rejoin the rest of the group in an hour-- instead of calling him sweaty or complaining that Chinen's making the t-shirt he stole from Yamada's clean laundry pile last week all smelly or commenting that the whole thing would have looked better if Chinen hadn't cut his hair so short, Yamada simply follows him to the stereo and pulls him into a hug. Chinen laughs in surprise when he feels Yamada's arms around him, his voice pleasant as he asks "Ryosuke?" Yamada responds by pressing kisses to the back of his neck, sweaty and smelly and short hair and all, his arms tightening around Chinen's middle. Chinen laughs again, leaning back into Yamada's attentions and falling silent for a few moments. Yamada kisses the nape of his neck, his collar, his hair, his ear, and Chinen hums pleasantly all the while. It's good, hearing Chinen make happy noises and knowing he's the one to cause them, so much better than the bickering or the criticizing or the uncomfortable silence had been, and "I love you," he says for probably the ninth or tenth time that day.

He can practically feel Chinen smile despite the fact that he can't see Chinen's face, and Yamada smiles too as Chinen's laugh rings out again, warm and happy and just for him. "Even so, you don't have to come to these rehearsals, you know," he points out quietly, wrapping his arms atop Yamada's around his middle. "After all the work you've been doing, you deserve a break."

He's right and Yamada knows it, but maybe he's still a little childish in this sudden renewal of his life outlook or else maybe this is what he's learned after everything, but either way, Yamada shakes his head and squeezes Chinen a little tighter still. "Where you are is where I belong," he says, and when Chinen smiles again, fingers curling around Yamada's hands and body leaning warm into Yamada's embrace, Yamada knows now more than ever that it's the truth.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Yamada Ryosuke//Where My Heart Belongs
rizzy fo'rizzle: sengaokuributa on August 19th, 2013 10:25 pm (UTC)
ugh i wanted fic about the behind-the-scenes of this song so badly after watching it last night and you totally gave it to me. so many feelings with yamada's insight and insecurity (:o). i love the feeling that chinen's dancing is somehow a rock that holds yamada steady even when chinen's the one moving. ♥♥♥ really a nice piece.
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamachii: cuddlesfaded_lace on August 19th, 2013 10:28 pm (UTC)
Aww yay! I was inspired after talking to you about it last night and stuff, so I guess I should say thank you :D Yamada's insecurities give me a lot of feelings, so I'm glad I could get that across here, and I really love how Chinen is always supportive to Yamada and now Yamada is really realizing/appreciating that. Thanks so much! ♥
Kitayama might be taking a picture of this: Yama heartsmousapelli on August 19th, 2013 10:31 pm (UTC)
Aw, this is really sweet. HUGGING I WANNNNNNT IT. But I really like all the bits about what Yamada sees in all the JUMP members and how much he loves them and feels their support. Cute~ ♥

every time Ino-chan whines to him about how all this sweat isn't good for their skin
looool, Inoo, so cute.
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamachii: cuddlesfaded_lace on August 19th, 2013 10:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I'm really glad you liked it~ YamaChii cuddles are cute ♥ But yeah, I really feel like Yamada respects and loves them all a lot, and now he's seeing that they're there for him to support him and don't make him look bad in comparison. He's growing up XD;

Ahahah it seemed as if Yamada and Inoo probably complain about their skin the most out of JUMP... |D;;;
Carrie: hsj; yamada ryousukekaleidoruby on August 20th, 2013 08:53 am (UTC)
Oh, this is so perfect and adorable! ♥

I really loved the part where how he feels about the rest of JUMP. And all the little mentions of what they do for him, like Hikaru sending trolly texts, and Inoo whining about sweating... the whole thing was really just cute!
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamachii: cuddlesfaded_lace on August 20th, 2013 09:01 am (UTC)
Thank you! ♥ I'm really glad you liked it. I really feel like Yamada loves the rest of JUMP a lot, and even if they sometimes are so fabulous that he feels a little insecure, it seems like he's overcoming it and ignoring his bad feelings and seeing the good.

I have to admit I was thinking of you while trying to write a genuinely happy Chinen and Yamada fic. XD;;; So I'm happy you enjoyed it!
Carrie: hsj; yamada ryousukekaleidoruby on August 20th, 2013 03:21 pm (UTC)
(I'm glad you even understood my comment. I wrote it just after waking up and wtf???)

Oh yeah, he definitely loves JUMP so much. I'm really glad that your feeling son him are changing, by the way! It makes me really happy to see you coming around on him. <3

DO YOU KNOW HOW HONOURED I FEEL? :D Really, that's sweet! I needed that after the day I had, you've cheered me right up. So, thank you!! ♥
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamada: :ofaded_lace on August 20th, 2013 07:35 pm (UTC)
(Haha no problem. I do the same thing sometimes! But actually it made perfect sense to me XD)

I mean... I guess... while I "hated" him because he frustrated the heck out of me and I hated seeing him lash out at his friends and the people he loved and who loved him, I really deep down just... felt sorry for him and hoped that he could get better? I see a lot of my own traits in Yamada, so watching him hurt himself and the people around him really just... pissed me off and frustrated me, idk. XD; So... seeing him get better has actually just been a really good experience for me. Like, learning to like him again after feeling sort of betrayed by him makes me really happy, and seeing him be happy with all of JUMP (for example, comparing his reaction to Daiki teasing him about his screwing up the COAMH dance in the Johnny's Net video to his reaction to the guys all making fun of him in the MC for having really high tension at dinner when they were out together) really just makes me happy.

...sorry for getting really wordy there |D;;; tl;dr: yes! I'm happy about Yamada again! XD

Aww, yay. If you're happy, then I'm really happy too! I'm really glad I could cheer you up. Sorry it wasn't actually like 100% happy, but it was like... 90% happy? XD;
Carrie: hsj; yamada ryousukekaleidoruby on August 21st, 2013 08:49 am (UTC)
(I'm impressed with you right now! XD)

That makes a lot of sense to me. Since you see a lot of yourself in him, I think that makes it even easier to be angry with him, really. I know I do the same thing sometimes! Actually, I found his reaction to Daiki really hilarious, but that's me. Mainly because I think Daiki doesn't take offense to it since he knows him so well. I would be more concerned if it was someone who Ryosuke didn't consider to be one of his very best friends. I know I can get like that with my bff/my sister/etc because I know that they aren't going to be like "whoa dude calm down", like they'll know I'm not being serious. But, he really does seem like he's getting better with everything, and I really hope he stays on this track. It's really good for me to see, since I do spend a lot of time worrying about him. Accepting yourself is hard (and I speak from experience), and I can only imagine how much harder it is for him, being in the public eye like this. Keep it up, Yamachan~

You don't need to apologize for getting wordy! XD

90% happy works for me! XD Overall, this had such a sense of hopefulness, and that's what I liked most. <3
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamachii: cuddlesfaded_lace on August 21st, 2013 09:20 am (UTC)
(Thanks XD;;; Believe me, I've sent some really incoherent early-morning texts...)

Yeah, I definitely think that's part of the problem. I know how easy it is for insecurity to turn to anger at other people out of frustration, and I don't want to see him make mistakes that I've made when I was a teenager. And... I guess it's easy to read it a lot of different ways, but it seemed a lot more of a real snap than a joking one to me when I saw it. They even cut it out of the video that they showed at the concert in Nagano after the fact. But... yeah. It really does seem like he's getting better, so I'm rooting for him to keep moving in the right direction! At the end of the day, I really just want him and all of JUMP to be happy and healthy. ♥

That's good ♥ I really wanted to give the sense that Yamada's relationship with everyone and especially Chinen was really moving in the right direction and show how much he loves and appreciates JUMP~ So if I managed that... yay!
Carrie: hsj; yamada ryousukekaleidoruby on August 21st, 2013 10:25 pm (UTC)
(Me too... XD I think the problem is I tend to not really finish my thoughts early in the morning!)

Oh, wow, I didn't know that. Maybe they realized how bad it looked? Maybe even he realized how it came across? I dunno, I tend to see the best in him, which I know is a total fault of mine, and I totally make apologies for him, which could be why I'm reading it the way I am? I could also be projecting my own experiences a bit. XD;;; You and me both. ♥

You definitely did!
ミランダ (大丈夫): Chinen: musingfaded_lace on August 21st, 2013 11:06 pm (UTC)
(XD; yeah, I feel you!)

Yeah, that's sort of what I was wondering. Like, to me it felt like Daiki sort of laughed it off because he is one of Yamada's closest friends, but it seemed like it was sort of a... think they should sort of cut out. Especially since Chinen randomly started singing-- it really felt to me like the other members were trying to diffuse the tension as much as possible. But yeah, that could also be me projecting? At any rate, I wasn't that surprised when they cut it out. XD;;

Yay ♥
・:*+.☆yuuniversenekosogi on August 21st, 2013 08:50 am (UTC)
Perfect timing, I wanted to read something like this... xD  Ahsjdkhjsakl this is just so cuuute ; A ; Absolutely love how you wrote Yamada's feelings about the rest of JUMP omg and everything is absolutely precious MY HEART agdhsj hugs <3 GJ
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamachii: cuddlesfaded_lace on August 21st, 2013 09:21 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I think Yamada loves the rest of JUMP a lot, and since he's been seeming really happy and positive these days, I wanted to write about it~ Thanks for reading!
・:*+.☆yuuniversenekosogi on August 21st, 2013 03:59 pm (UTC)
You're welcome! Very well written (*⌒∇⌒*)♡ You're right, it makes me happy to see him like this too~ Yamachan's been getting a lot better lately (the attitude thing I mean, that used to bother me a lot about him in the past...) Hooray! ♡

Edited at 2013-08-21 08:02 pm (UTC)
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamada: :ofaded_lace on August 21st, 2013 07:27 pm (UTC)
I'm glad this used to bother someone besides me! I usually get a lot of criticism for ever criticizing Yamada XD; But yes, it makes me happy to see him being much more happy and healthy seeming!
S: Yamachii: it's loveyomimashou on August 21st, 2013 11:17 pm (UTC)
This is so cute ♥ I really love the idea of Yamada coming to rehearsals with Chinen even though he doesn't have to, and I love the little bits you put in with Yamada thinking about each member, and I really love the way you worked the song into the fic~ I think this really captures the feeling of rediscovered love I've been getting from them lately ;~;
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamachii: cuddlesfaded_lace on August 21st, 2013 11:29 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it ♥ It seems like Yamada would do something like that. XD; and Yamada's JUMPing love is the best ♥ I'm glad it fit your feels because... I've been having a lot of them, too. ;~;
zarelmarzelzarelmarzel on August 22nd, 2013 01:27 am (UTC)
Ever since I saw their 'Where My Heart Belongs' performance, in every show, I wished someone could write a fic about behind the scenes of this performance. And this one I love the most. The emotions, feelings that you create into Yamada is somehow fascinating until to the extend that he may be exactly feeling the same IRL during these times. And JUMP being there as his big supporter is just so sweet. The little details you put onto the explanation on YamaChii's relationship in this fic is just too beautiful. In short, this fic is just beautiful the way it should be. Good job!
ミランダ (大丈夫): Yamachii: cuddlesfaded_lace on August 22nd, 2013 02:14 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it! JUMP and Chinen all love Yamada. ♥ Thanks for reading!
Ale♥~sweetningen on January 2nd, 2016 08:17 am (UTC)
When "where my heart belongs" comes i feel so happy bzo i really miss stars in heaven :( and i love how u can make me feel that i saw the real yamada and the real Chinen in your fanfics
Thank u! Godbless u!
ミランダ (大丈夫): Chinen: captivatedfaded_lace on January 3rd, 2016 09:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading!