pairing: Yamada Ryosuke/Chinen Yuri
word count: 1,604
author's note: Just watched the Kanshasai DVD last Friday, and so this happened ♥
summary: It makes Yamada feel as if he's been reborn, as if, with the coming spring, he too is growing little by little here where he belongs, with his group.
It's been a long, tiring winter by the time rehearsals for the Johnny's World Kanshasai roll around. Coming off a long run of performances of Johnny's World in the Imperial Theatre, Yamada had been thrust head-first into an endless stream of Kindaichi drama special filmings and solo single work and promotions, and it felt like it had barely gotten a chance to catch his breath before JUMP were gearing up to begin rehearsals for the March concert in Tokyo Dome. It wasn't really a bad thing, per se; Yamada had known what he was getting into when he signed up to be an idol and he does love his work, but it's been an exhausting few months of nonstop action, and by the time everything for Mystery Virgin is completely said and done, he wishes for a break… or something.
That something probably being a break in which one of his friends gets the spotlight-- only, if it were Yabu, everyone would be impressed with his singing, and Yuya would certainly blind the world with his beauty, while Ino-chan's wit and intelligence and Hikaru's comedic timing would no doubt leave Yamada in the dust. Dai-chan's charm and charisma, Keito's musical talent, Yuto's dancing, and Chinen's… well… everything-- they all make Yamada seem so small, and so while his solo debut has left him feeling guilty, as if he's done something wrong, as if he's stolen their limelight, at the same time, he worries that if it were someone else, Yamada would fall out of the public eye altogether. He loves JUMP with all of his heart, and so he tries his hardest to tell himself that his solo was for them, was to garner more interest for them, but he has trouble believing it, even still.
But that's all in the past, his solo and all the promotional performances and appearances are in the past, and somehow, he feels as if he's washed his hands of it. He'll still perform Mystery Virgin and Ai no Katamari at the Kanshasai and maybe at JUMP's upcoming concert tour, as well, but it's not the center of attention anymore, he's not the center of attention anymore, at least not that way. And somehow… it feels good. Despite all of his insecurities going into it, despite worrying that it wouldn't sell, that people wouldn't like it, that JUMP would judge him, that the fans would hate him… nothing catastrophic happened, and now, it's done and behind him. Behind them all.
He doesn't even really understand it himself, but once he can step out of the sphere of "solo debut" and back into the sphere of "JUMP," it somehow feels as if all the bad things from the past year are falling away, just a little, like when as a small child he'd gotten muddy playing outside and been subsequently hosed down by his mother. He'd always protested the washing, but in the end, he'd felt better once he was clean, and now, despite how many times he'd tried to tell himself that there was nothing wrong with the solo debut, now that it's over and done with, he really does feel like he can move forward with his life, with JUMP.
And so now, they're rehearsing for the Kanshasai, all of them as a group, and tiring as it is, long as the hours are, Yamada loves every moment of it. Being around JUMP makes him laugh, makes him smile, makes him feel warmer than he's felt all winter, and every time Yuya thumps him on the back, every time Yabu makes a dumb joke to him, every time Hikaru sends him a trolling text, every time Ino-chan whines to him about how all this sweat isn't good for their skin, every time Dai-chan allows Yamada to tease him, every time Keito goes with him to get food during their break, every time Yuto brings him a drink from the vending machine, every time Chinen quietly slips his hand into Yamada's as if to say I'm here for you… it makes Yamada feel as if he's been reborn, as if, with the coming spring, he too is growing little by little here where he belongs, with his group.
And so no matter how long and tiring rehearsals are, no matter how many weeks he's gone now without a break, Yamada gives his all and then some. He's never been a slacker, but something about being around JUMP gives him more strength than he knew he had, and despite how long and late rehearsals go, he feels both mentally and physically better than he ever did when he was working on Mystery Virgin. He likes everything about the Kanshasai more and more with each rehearsal, likes working with the other groups, both senpai like ABC-Z (because really, despite debuting so late, they'll always be his senpai) and kouhai like Sexy Zone and all the people who fall in between, juniors he's worked with for ages and juniors who admire him (admire him, him of all people!), likes sharing ideas and growing alongside them and alongside JUMP. But he likes the quiet moments equally, the moments of downtime with the rest of JUMP while ABC-Z rehearses a number, the dinners after and coffees in between, and most of all, he likes the two-person rehearsals with Chinen.
Strictly speaking, he doesn't really have to be there; it's already been decided that he'll lip sync Where My Heart Belongs, because it wouldn't do to have him strain his voice right before a run of JUMP concerts. But he wants to be there; he's part of the act, after all, and more importantly, it means rehearsals alone with Chinen. After more than a year of not quite seeing eye to eye, after a year of more time spent apart than together, in this new spring of his career, of his life, Yamada wants to spend as much time with Chinen as humanly possible. He doesn't know whose fault it was that things were so strained for so long, or if it was anyone's fault at all, but he knows that now, he wants to move on, wants to move past and make things right again, and from the way Chinen's been letting Yamada pull him close and responding me too when Yamada tells him time and time again that he loves him, it seems like that's what Chinen wants, too.
And so now here he is, standing at the back of the rehearsal studio and singing along with the recording as Chinen practices his leaps and his turns, and god, is all Yamada can think, Chinen really is beautiful. He's never met someone so talented before in his life, and maybe that was part of the problem, the fear that Chinen wouldn't want him when he realized that Yamada was all show and no real talent, the fear that Chinen would outshine him to the point that Yamada would just disappear from his life altogether, but he's trying to move past. Chinen hasn't ever been anything but supportive of Yamada, and, Yamada thinks, it's time to stop hiding behind criticisms drawn out by fits of insecurity, it's time to treat Chinen like the beautiful, stunning, graceful, talented, smart, witty person that he is, the kind of person that he wants to keep in his life, now and always.
And so when Chinen finishes the number and goes to turn off the CD player-- there's no rehearsal director for now; they're to rejoin the rest of the group in an hour-- instead of calling him sweaty or complaining that Chinen's making the t-shirt he stole from Yamada's clean laundry pile last week all smelly or commenting that the whole thing would have looked better if Chinen hadn't cut his hair so short, Yamada simply follows him to the stereo and pulls him into a hug. Chinen laughs in surprise when he feels Yamada's arms around him, his voice pleasant as he asks "Ryosuke?" Yamada responds by pressing kisses to the back of his neck, sweaty and smelly and short hair and all, his arms tightening around Chinen's middle. Chinen laughs again, leaning back into Yamada's attentions and falling silent for a few moments. Yamada kisses the nape of his neck, his collar, his hair, his ear, and Chinen hums pleasantly all the while. It's good, hearing Chinen make happy noises and knowing he's the one to cause them, so much better than the bickering or the criticizing or the uncomfortable silence had been, and "I love you," he says for probably the ninth or tenth time that day.
He can practically feel Chinen smile despite the fact that he can't see Chinen's face, and Yamada smiles too as Chinen's laugh rings out again, warm and happy and just for him. "Even so, you don't have to come to these rehearsals, you know," he points out quietly, wrapping his arms atop Yamada's around his middle. "After all the work you've been doing, you deserve a break."
He's right and Yamada knows it, but maybe he's still a little childish in this sudden renewal of his life outlook or else maybe this is what he's learned after everything, but either way, Yamada shakes his head and squeezes Chinen a little tighter still. "Where you are is where I belong," he says, and when Chinen smiles again, fingers curling around Yamada's hands and body leaning warm into Yamada's embrace, Yamada knows now more than ever that it's the truth.