title: Forgive and Forget
pairing: Funamoto Jun/Nakagawa Kenjirou (Hagiya Keigo and Yasui Kentaro's characters in Bad Boys J)
word count: 2,045
author's note: Just saw the Bad Boy J movie again, and this happened. Written for shiritori at writetomyheart
summary: Kenjirou thinks, maybe, in love (or whatever this is), it's best just to let the little things go.
"Forget it!" Kenjirou snaps, storming out of the room and down the hall. Even before he reaches the small break room near the back of the club, he feels practically on the verge of tears, his throat tight and jaw set with anger and something else that he doesn't like to admit but by now knows is hurt. He hates this, hates feeling this way, but he can't help it-- how is he supposed to help it when Jun has to go and be a dumb idiot all the time? After all, it's not exactly Kenjirou's fault that Jun is the shittiest boyfriend in the world… and okay, even if it's Kenjirou's fault for dating him in the first place, it's not like Jun couldn't at least try sometimes not to be the stupidest guy on the planet.
Things had been going so promisingly earlier, too, going so well that Kenjirou feels even angrier thinking about it now, kicking the door to the break room shut behind him and throwing himself down onto one of the well-worn, gaudy couches that have probably been with Nights much longer than Kenjirou has. He'd let his guard down earlier, when he and Jun and Hiro and Erika had been sitting at the bar after almost everyone else had left, he'd let himself be weak, let himself believe that for once, maybe things in his life would go right. For some reason, he always let this happen with Jun, because even though Jun is as stupid as they come, even if Jun can't seem to ever take a hint, even if Jun is annoying and somehow always there, always smiling at him, even when Kenjirou calls him names, somehow, he's been more loyal to Kenjirou than anyone has ever been before, no matter how mean or temperamental Kenjirou gets. And sometimes, on good days, Kenjirou forgets, forgets that no matter what, especially in his life, and especially when it comes to Jun, inevitably, something will always go wrong.
But he should know, always, just like he should have known, earlier, when they'd been sitting at the bar drinking and chatting about the mundane things that had happened to them that day and the new movie that's coming out next Thursday and the upcoming final exams at the high school in which they're all enrolled but none of them, except for occasionally Erika, ever attend. It was so easy to forget, though, when things felt as if they were going so well; it was easy to joke around and poke fun at the others when it was just the four of them, easy to laugh when Jun lost his balance and almost fell off his barstool, or when Erika smacked Hiro right in the face when he inadvertently mentioned that he'd been planning to meet some girl who'd given him her number earlier in the evening. Just being with the others felt easy, Hiro and Jun with their beers and he and Erika with their glasses of white wine, because more than "top members," they felt like friends; Kenjirou felt warm and safe and happy, and not just from the alcohol.
But then the topic changed to the new yakiniku place that opened up downtown a few weeks ago, and upon determining that none of them had gone yet, Hiro suggested that they go, all four of them, that weekend. Erika has agreed, but Kenjirou had shrugged, saying he was busy this weekend and waiting for Jun to say the same. Only, instead Jun had looked at him blankly and asked what Kenjirou's plans were.
And maybe it was only a little thing, and maybe it was stupid, but it had suddenly felt as if Kenjirou's stomach was plummeting straight through the floor, and before he even know what he was doing, he was on his feet, slapping Jun on the face. But even then, Jun didn't realize, didn't look sorry, only gave him that perplexed look, asking, "What?" But of course, by that point, there was no way Kenjirou could answer even if he had wanted to, and so, "Forget it," he had snapped, and that had been that.
And now here he is, balled up in the corner of some nasty old sofa in the break room, crying, crying like some weak little kid, and he hates everything about it. He should know better than to let himself open up this way, he should know better than to let someone have the emotional upper hand on him, but yet for whatever reason, with Jun, stupid, bumbling, idiotic Jun, he always let himself slip. Jun, who'd somehow wormed his way into Kenjirou's heart, Jun, who, despite all of his shortcomings, had somehow ended up as Kenjirou's boyfriend… it's all so stupid, and while Kenjirou wants to hate Jun, really, more than that, he hates himself for being weak, for letting himself get hurt. It's the worst feeling in the world, and here, all alone in the dark, Kenjirou can't hold himself together anymore.
He knows he needs to calm down, but it's hard to find the willpower when all he can think about is the fact that he's ended up the victim yet again, when all he can taste is the bitter sting in the back of his throat at the knowledge that no one gives a shit about him, not even the guy who's supposed to care, when all he can hear are his own pathetic sobs. In fact, he's gotten himself so worked up and is crying so loudly that he doesn't hear the door open, nor notice that someone's there until suddenly, Jun's voice is startling him out of his haze of self-pity with a wavering, "…Kenjirou?"
Kenjirou's heart leaps into his throat, because no one is supposed to see him like this, not even Jun, especially not Jun, not right now, not when Jun's the one who sent him spiraling into this state in the first place. Panicking, Kenjirou wipes at his eyes with his palms, trying to force his features into a scowl but getting the feeling he looks more like a drowned cat, despite his best attempts to seem threatening. "What do you want?" he snaps, but his voice is thick and wavering, and it cracks embarrassingly at the end of his sentence, and god does he hate being weak, but right now, there's nothing else he can do.
Jun takes another step into the room, fumbling not to trip in the darkness and squinting at Kenjirou in the light from the doorway. "Um… are you okay?" he asks hesitantly, chewing on his lip, and despite how worried and remorseful he seems, Kenjirou isn't having any of it.
"How the hell do I look?" he snaps back, sniffing and trying to swallow back the last signs that he's been crying, though frankly, he knows he's still teetering on the brink of tears, anyway. "What do you care, anyway? You clearly don't give a shit about me."
And maybe that sounds weak, maybe that sounds needy, but it does draw a look of horror onto Jun's face, and he opens and shuts his mouth several times before managing a choked, "W-what?" that sounds honestly more like an animal noise than a word. He looks pathetic, Kenjirou thinks, but he deserves to suffer after what he's done. Still, when Jun keeps acting as if he doesn't know, as if he just doesn't pay enough attention to Kenjirou to even realize what's making him upset, it's hard to bite back the anger swelling in his chest, and after only a few seconds, Kenjirou explodes.
And maybe, somewhere in the back of his mind thinks as the words explode out of his mouth, it shouldn't be a big deal, but somehow, to him, for whatever reason, right now, the fact that a few days ago, when they'd discussed the new restaurant between the two of them, Jun had insinuated that he'd take Kenjirou there on a date this weekend, said that they'd go together, but then clearly forgotten about it today was too much to bear. Maybe it was because Jun was stupid and always forgetting important things like this, or maybe it was because, secretly, Kenjirou had actually really been happy that for once, Jun had found the initiative and the social skills to actually make plans for the two of them, but whatever the reason, he hated being blown off and he hated being forgotten, and so by the time he finishes snapping back his explanation, he's practically in tears again, loathe as he is to show it. But how is he supposed to feel, when his own boyfriend had practically forgotten about his existence?
He rants on for a good five minutes or so, growing more and more emotional, until suddenly, Jun interjects, cutting him off with an "Um--" and taking another few steps towards him. "What--" Kenjirou snaps back, ready to bite Jun's head off for interrupting him, when Jun hurriedly blurts out "I-- didn't realize you knew that I was thinking about taking you out. I… I thought it was going to be a surprise."
And despite the fact that it's Kenjirou's first instinct to sling insults, they die on his lips as Jun's words slowly sink in. He… didn't realize Kenjirou knew? But he'd said… But then thinking back, Kenjirou realizes, he'd never said he was planning something, never asked Kenjirou what day he'd want to go, or when he was free, only commented I guess we'll have to check it out together sometime soon, and maybe, Kenjirou realizes, maybe in Jun's stupid, socially-impaired head, that wasn't an invitation, but… was somehow subtle, somehow a hint of something that, to Jun, seemed like a surprise. It was almost laughable, when certainly anyone above the age of 12 would realize in an instant how blatant that was, but maybe… just maybe, Jun was so much of an idiot, that he hadn't.
Just like, at the moment, he clearly doesn't realize that Kenjirou's anger is subsiding, because he's rambling on now, "…I didn't know what to think when you told Hiro-san and Erika-san that you were busy, because I wanted to take you out, so if you had other plans, I didn't know what I was going to do, and I thought maybe you forgot about our conversation--" But before he can finish, Kenjirou is on his feet, grabbing Jun by the lapels and pulling him into a rough kiss-- enough, he thinks self-congratulatorily, to be both a punishment for being an idiot and an olive branch to show Jun he supposes that no matter how dumb Jun is, Kenjirou can forgive him.
After a moment or two, however, he breaks away, sticking out his tongue at Jun but not moving very far apart. "You made it seem like you forgot, dumbass," he replies, pointedly bumping his shoulder into Jun's chest.
"I could never forget!" Jun replies quickly, trying to seem offended. He's been doing better these days at seeming less awkward and more badass-- not that Kenjirou'd ever tell him that-- but right now, the smile growing on his lips is giving him away and then some. "Not when it comes to you."
"God, shut up," Kenjirou replies, knowing that, unlike the air of toughness, Jun's stupid displays of affection aren't put on at all and hating the way his cheeks are heating up at the words. "I forgive you, okay? Stop being so stupid."
"Saturday at six, then?" Jun asks without missing a beat, his grin growing and his eyes shining as he looks down at Kenjirou with an expression that makes Kenjirou's knees go a little weak, and while Kenjirou's a little annoyed that Jun's just going to let it go so easily, without a more extensive apology or offers to make it up to Kenjirou, when Jun wraps his arms tight around Kenjirou's back and kisses him again in a way that makes Kenjirou feel even warmer and safer and happier than he did earlier, he thinks, maybe, in love (or whatever this is), it's best just to let the little things go.