pairing: Jinguji Yuta/Nakamura Reia
word count: 2,304
author's note: I don't actually feel that strongly one way or another about the casting for the new NTV drama that came out today, but somehow, this came to me, and so I wrote it. Their love is beautiful ♥
summary: Jinguji exhales and seems to take a moment to gather himself, his fingers tightening in Reia's hair and the material of his shirt, before he finally adds, "I want to be there and comfort you, too. It's not fair if you don't let me."
Reia isn't sure when going to Jinguji's house became so comfortable that it was something he did by himself, without a second thought, without Jinguji even there. I have late rehearsal, Jinguji will text, and Okay, I'll wait for you at home, then, Reia will respond, and then he'll take all the regular trains out to Chiba, school bag slung easily over his shoulder with the knowledge that he has clean clothes waiting for him in the corner of the bottom drawer of Jinguji's dresser and that dinner will almost certainly be there for him, courtesy of Jinguji's mother, and that his secondary toothbrush will still be sitting in the cup in Jinguji's bathroom, right where he left it two or three days ago. Once he arrives, he unlocks the door with they key Jinguji gave him with an intentionally nonchalant shrug two or three months ago (or was it half a year now? The days go by so quickly it's hard to remember), the attached pink half of a Disney couple keychain set jingling pleasantly as he opens the door and calls I'm home like he belongs here. It doesn't even feel odd anymore, and it's comforting somehow to hear Jinguji's mother's Welcome back~ in response, as if this is the most normal thing in the world.
He chats with Jinguji's mother for a while, and plays games on his phone after, slouched
on the sofa as if he lives here, and when Jinguji's mother informs him she's going to go meet Jinguji's father for dinner but there's rice in the rice cooker and leftover stir-fry in the drawer in the refrigerator, Reia doesn't even have to look up to know where she means. He smiles and bids her goodbye with a wave as if she were his own mother, and by now, honestly, maybe she thinks of it that way too, which is a strangely warming thought. Once she's gone, Reia kicks around for a while before deciding he might as well have the food hot when Jinguji gets back, since more likely than not, he's going to be grumpy and ravenous after a long day, and somehow, he's done this enough times that he's only barely gotten the container out of the microwave when he hears Jinguji's key in the front door.
"I'm home," Jinguji calls in his normal boisterous tone, and "Welcome back," Reia calls, his pinched, effeminate voice in response sounding almost comically domestic, like they're characters in a movie or something. But there's something comforting in that, too, and so Reia only smiles as Jinguji appears out of the genkan, scuffing into the kitchen in the leopard print slippers Reia had gotten him as a gag Christmas gift last year as a part of their group of friends' secret santa. "Food's almost ready," he informs, his focus returning to the two bowls of rice he's serving, "I assume you're hungry...?"
Jinguji is silent for a moment, which is odd for him under any circumstances, and after a moment, Reia looks up at him inquisitively. He has an odd look on his face now as he regards Reia, and Reia is about to ask what's wrong when he finally speaks, his voice low and almost hesitant: "Then... you haven't heard?"
"Heard what?" Reia asks, brow furrowing in concern. It's unusual for Jinguji to be so serious, and while Reia's sure that if there had been any sort of emergency that day, Jinguji's mother would have informed him earlier, it makes his stomach knot a little to see Jinguji look so solemn.
"The casting for the new NTV Saturday night drama," Jinguji prompts, as if this will make Reia understand instantly, but Reia is still grappling for what might be so weighty about the next round of Juniors cast for the cheapest, lowest budget drama slot of each season. Kishi is to play the male lead, with Miyachika secondary and a variety of their friends in lesser roles, but Reia really doesn't see why this is cause for alarm.
"I'm... sorry you weren't cast," he replies tentatively after a moment, hazarding a guess as to what the issue is. Still, it feels off; if Jinguji were angry for himself, he'd likely be storming around and yelling in a way much more familiar and manageable to Reia-- it's the stark seriousness of his current demeanor that leaves Reia struggling to figure out the issue out hand. He likes to think he knows Jinguji well, better than anyone else, maybe, but this is something he doesn't know, and it scares him a little.
Jinguji squints at him in response for a whole minute that feels like an hour at least, and Reia's stomach drops. Not knowing what's wrong with Jinguji is terrifying when it's been Reia's first and foremost goal in life, consciously for the past half year or so and subconsciously probably longer than that, to make sure that Jinguji is happy and healthy and comfortable. His hands shake slightly as he closes the rice cooker and steps around the counter to be closer to Jinguji, and after more than two years together now, he doesn't even bother to hide it. "...Yuta?" he asks quietly, his voice wavering, too, and while a couple months ago, he'd never have been able to use Jinguji's first name comfortably outside the intimate space of Jinguji's bedroom, right now, it's the only thing that feels right.
"...You really don't get it, do you?" Jinguji asks at length, also taking a step closer, such that Reia has to tilt his head up a little to meet his eyes. The closeness makes things easier, somehow, when Jinguji has always been better at showing his affection through actions rather than words, but Reia really still doesn't get it, and so he shakes his head, and Jinguji continues, his voice suddenly building in strength and volume, as if he's been trying his absolute hardest to keep this locked inside, but now it's finally bursting out, "It's not me who should've been the lead in this, it's you!"
"...e-eh?" Reia responds before he even understands what's going on, his eyes widening as he looks up into Jinguji's, narrowed with frustration and pent-up anger. The way Jinguji never knows how to express his feelings, or in what direction to send them, is completely normal, but Reia isn't sure how to soothe him when he's still not entirely sure what the problem is. He usually has three or four backup plans when it comes to Jinguji; he knows him well enough to know what steps to take to help under normal circumstances, but right now, somehow, everything is failing him, and as he struggles to do anything, the best thing he can think of is to fall back on faux casualness. And so, "It's not really a surprise to anyone that I wasn't chosen," he tries with a forced laugh, because it's true-- the fact that he's never picked to be in dramas is frustrating and saddening, yes, but it's something he definitely has no power to change, and therefore something that he's learned to live with.
But Jinguji is not comforted; in fact, he seems even more angry at this comment, and, "It was a surprise to me!!" he bursts, glaring at the rice cooker behind Reia as if it's personally offended him somehow. "I don't understand! You're way more talented than any of those guys!! Why isn't it ever you??"
There are probably hundreds of reasons why this sudden outburst is shocking enough to Reia to leave him momentarily speechless, not least of all the fact that Jinguji almost never straightforwardly praises Reia in any way that could be construed as affectionate and therefore embarrassing, but something about the look in Jinguji's eyes tells Reia he needs to snap out of it, and so he does the only thing that comes to mind in the moment-- he closes the final distance between them and puts his hands on either side of Jinguji's face and looks into his eyes and says, "It's okay."
He's not sure, a second later, why this is what he's chosen to do; they're not usually like this, not so tender, not so intimate outside of Jinguji's bedroom, but by some miracle, somehow, it seems to have been the right choice. After a beat of stunned silence, he feels the tenseness begin to melt out of Jinguji under his hands, the look in his eyes softening as he looks back at Reia. When he opens his mouth to speak again, it's no longer harsh and forceful, but quiet and almost imploring, as he asks, "Why? Why would it be okay?"
"Because neither of us can change it, and because neither of us knows what's going to happen," Reia replies melodically, and sometimes he even shocks himself with how calm he can be at times like this. Still, the priority is Jinguji, always Jinguji, and Reia is amazed at what he can manage for the sake of the boy he loves the most in the whole world. Leaning in a little closer when Jinguji doesn't react negatively, he presses a gentle kiss to Jinguji's lips, lingering only a moment before pulling back slightly to offer him a warm smile. "And because honestly, all that matters to me is seeing you succeed."
Jinguji's brow furrows again at this, and he pouts for a moment, seemingly thwarted in the face of Reia's calm stance on the issue, but when he responds, it's not, as Reia might have expected, to argue with the first part of his statement, but the second. "That's stupid," he says, a frown forming on his face. "You should want to succeed with me."
Reia can't help but laugh a little at that, and he nods. "I mean... of course I do," he concedes, "But what I mean is... I just want you to be happy, so please don't go and get all worked up for my sake, okay? You're all that matters to me."
Jinguji looks back into his eyes for a long moment, his frown deepening with thought, and Reia is beginning to think that maybe he's succeeded in calming Jinguji down when suddenly, Jinguji throws his arms around Reia and pulls him into an embrace so tight that it knocks the wind out of Reia.
"Y-yuta?" Reia breathes in shock, not exactly complaining, but not entirely sure what's happening either. Jinguji doesn't respond, doesn't do anything besides hold Reia tight, one arm wrapped around the small of his back, the other curled around his shoulders, his fingers curling in the hair at the nape of Reia's neck. It feels good, honestly, it feels really good to have Jinguji hold onto him this way, somehow embodying the intensity with which Reia loves him in this single act, and so despite the fact that he still doesn't know what's going on, he can't help but relax a little into Jinguji's arms, into Jinguji's warmth.
"You're so stupid," Jinguji says quietly after a long pause, and Reia blinks, unable to tilt his head up to look at Jinguji in this position. But Jinguji continues, "You're so stupid, because why should it be okay for you to care about me succeeding but not the other way around? That makes no sense, dummy."
Maybe that's the most Jinguji-esque way to say it, but even so, Reia can't help but pause for a moment, because... somehow, he's right. In all their days, months, years together, Reia has taken it for granted that Jinguji will always put himself first-- not in a bad, or even an unusual way, but all the same, it's never once occurred to him that something like this might come up.
But before he can speak, Jinguji continues, leaning a little closer to rest his cheek on the top of Reia's head. "...Yeah, of course I wanna succeed, and get work, and be famous," he admits, mumbling a little, as if the admission will somehow weaken his point, "But I want all that just as much for you! Because you're just as good at everything, and maybe even better than me at some stuff, and you-- and I--- about you, I--"
It's good to hear him stumble over his words a little; it feels more normal, more like Jinguji, and Reia smiles into his chest, sliding his arms around Jinguji's shoulders and holding him tight. Jinguji exhales and seems to take a moment to gather himself, his fingers tightening in Reia's hair and the material of his shirt, before he finally adds, "I want to be there and comfort you, too. It's not fair if you don't let me."
And well, Reia can't argue with that, and so he smiles a little more, nodding into Jinguji's shoulder. "Okay," he agrees quietly, "Sounds good," and he can practically feel Jinguji's smile in response.
They linger like that for a moment, entangled in one another's arms and smiles and hearts, but after a minute, Jinguji pulls back, quickly correcting his expression to the one Reia recognizes well as the 'sexy boyfriend' face. It makes him grin, and he raises his eyebrows as Jinguji announces, "All right!! Now I'm gonna make you dinner for a change!!" and barges back towards the counter, spooning the now cold stir-fry onto the bowls of rice Reia had started on earlier looking exceedingly proud of himself. But Reia's grin only widens when Jinguji sets them out on the table, grabbing mismatched sets of chopsticks from the drying rack and announcing that the food is ready with a flourish, and he thinks, as he sits down across from Jinguji and compliments his efforts, that being together this way is the most comfortable thing of all.