title: Entertainment Value
pairings: Yuto-Yamada antagonistic relationship centric; background Takaki/Yabu, Yuto/Keito, Yamada/Chinen, Hikaru/Inoo
word count: 1,182
author's note: I'm really tickled by Yuto and Yamada's antagonistic relationship XD; Ever since they admitted in the long interviews that they've never really liked one another, everything sort of clicked for me about their previous interaction. Please don't read this if the thought of that is offensive to you, or if you don't want to read about Yuto being a dick, because that's basically the main premise of this fic XD;; For shiritori @ writetomyheart!
summary: Yuto feels as if perhaps he's starting to like Yamada after all.
“I guess that makes you the girl," Yuto goads, butting into the conversation previously between Yamada and Takaki, who'd been discussing recent dates they'd been on. It made sense that they were friends, Yuto liked to think, since neither of them were lighting any intellectual fires, though he had been opposed to the whole thing (opposed to Yamada, really, if he was honest with himself) back when Yamada had been the most raging douchebag humanly possible back in 2012. But even he was forced to admit that, while Yamada wasn't his favourite person in the world even still, he had worked out his issues and even talked with Yuto about their differences, and so even though there was no way that Yuto was ever going to actively like him, he couldn't really hate him anymore, either. And so he tends to smile kindly on Takaki and Yamada's friendship now, because he likes to be reminded of how much smarter he is than Yamada at times (not that he ever doubts it, really, or would ever admit it!) and because it means Yamada isn't bothering Keito or Chinen, with whom Yuto would much rather spend time without Yamada's presence.
But today, it just so happened that Yamada and Takaki chose to stand near Yuto as they all warmed up for rehearsal, and so Yuto couldn't help but overhear their conversation as he stretched out. Takaki had just finished regaling Yamada with a long and drawn-out story of how he had taken Yabu to see a movie, only he hadn't really understood the plot, and felt really stupid, and when he'd finally broken down and admitted that he didn't understand, Yabu's explanation hadn't made it any clearer, so then he'd gotten depressed, and Yabu had cheered him up, which made him feel unmanly, but then Yabu had let him pay for dessert and dinner afterwards, so that made him feel better. The stupidity of it was starting to make Yuto feel like he was getting stupider just by exposure (not that he didn't love Takaki and Yabu as friends and fellow JUMP members, and for what they brought to the group, but sometimes, their level of dumb was really unfathomable to him), but then Yamada had started talking, and Yuto had braced himself. Sure, he knew that Chinen could take care of himself, but Yamada had been so supremely awful to Chinen in his bad period that Yuto hadn't ever completely gotten past it, and who could blame him for being protective of one of his best friends, anyway?? Chinen had always had a blind spot when it came to Yamada, and Yuto just didn't want him to get hurt.
He isn't exactly sure what he's expecting, but after Takaki's story, the conversation is on the topic of manliness, and surely, Yamada will want to boost his ego by boasting of how dominant he is in his relationship with Chinen. Just the thought makes Yuto scowl, and so he's totally shocked when instead, Yamada begins, "Well, I don't think it really matters if you're manly enough or not… I mean, I'm sure he loves you just for being you, right?"
It's something Yuto might have said at some other time, but coming from Yamada, it annoys him-- it's just something that he read on the internet, or on a greeting card, or something, right?! But then Yamada goes on to say how recently Chinen had wanted to plan a date for them, because he'd found out about some strawberry farm that offered tours where visitors could pick strawberries and try out various strawberry dishes and products produced there and he'd wanted it to be a surprise, and so even though it'd been hard for him to let go, he'd let Chinen plan the whole thing and even driven according to Chinen's directions without knowing where they were going. By the end, Takaki was wide-eyed, and unfortunately, Yuto found his own expression to be a mirror of Takaki's, which was totally unacceptable! How could Yamada have done something that even Yuto had to admit was romantic?! It was so stupid, and before he really knew what he was doing, he was butting in, poking fun at Yamada, because when there was nothing else to do, that was sure to make him feel better, right?
And sure enough, Yamada's look of shock and annoyance, followed by a spluttered, "What?!" brought the smug smile back to Yuto's face, and he shrugged. No one could ever mistake Yuto for someone who thought that every relationship had to have a "girl" and a "boy"; who planned dates and who paid for what and who topped in bed were things that he enjoyed trading back and forth between himself and Keito, and besides, they were all guys, anyway. But it didn't really matter what he thought if it would piss Yamada off to call him a girl, and so Yuto clapped Yamada on the shoulder in a faux-comforting gesture.
"It's okay, you have a pretty face, and you're not that much taller than Chii," he assured, taking great pleasure in the way Yamada's well-glossed lips were tensing into a pout. "And hey, you are the one out of the two of you who uses make up and skin products, and he is more athletic…"
"Shut up, it's not like that," Yamada grumps, crossing his arms and shooting Yuto a glare. "We're both guys, anyway! What are you even trying to say?!"
"What's this, so defensive~" Yuto replies, his grin growing at how worked up Yamada is getting. "Are you so sure? Maybe you actually are a girl pretending to be a boy, and that's why you're so determined to prove that you're the man~" And frankly, he thinks, despite the fact that obviously, he knows that Yamada is a guy, he probably could star in one of those stupid girl-pretends-to-be-a-boy dramas like Ikemen Desu Ne and have the entire audience believing he was actually a girl, anyway.
"I'm not a girl!" Yamada gripes, with a look on his face that says he knows he shouldn't let Yuto get to him but he can't help it. It makes Yuto feel even more victorious, somehow, but nothing can compare to his glee when, in response to his further goading, he finally gets Yamada to scream at the top of his lungs, "I'M GAY, GODDAMMIT!!"
The entire room goes silent, and everyone, including the staff, the choreographer, Yamada's manager, Keito and Yabu, who'd been discussing something college related, Chinen and Daiki, who'd been practicing choreography together off to the side of the room, and Hikaru and Inoo, who'd been engaging in one of their bizarre mating rituals that involved Hikaru chasing a screaming Inoo around the studio for several minutes, stops what they're doing to stare at Yamada. For his part, Yamada turns a brilliant shade of red as Yuto breaks the silence by bursting into laughter, and as Yamada begins to sputter excuses and explanations, Yuto feels as if perhaps he's starting to like Yamada after all… if only for the entertainment value.