title: such a pretty pair
pairing: Jinguji Yuta/Nakamura Reia
warnings: I'm not particularly happy with the current state of the Juniors (outside of SixTONES, hooray for them!), and that's definitely reflected here. If that might be upsetting to you, please proceed with caution.
word count: 2,270
author's note: Based on magazines and things that were said on Johnny's Junior Land, my personal headcanon is that Jinguji and Reia got together sometime in late spring/early summer of 2012, making this past May/June their 3rd anniversary! They might not have the chance to do much together anymore, but Jinguji did come to see Reia at Crea this year again, and so I wanted to write a little something for them. This is loosely a sequel to clouds in his coffee, but you really don't need to have read that on first. However, like the original, the title is lyrics from You're So Vain by Carly Simon. The song really isn't that relevant to the sequel, but they're a set. XD; Written for shiritori @ writetomyheart!
summary: Reia knows that as long as Jinguji loves him too, he can wait… hell, he can wait forever if that's what Jinguji needs.
Like the beverage has personally wronged him, Jinguji glares down into his coffee, his mouth set into an impressive hybrid between a pout and a frown, his hands clutching tight around the mug as if it might try to escape. He's been particularly moody recently, Reia has noted (and tried to compensate for in turn, just as he always has), but he isn't really sure why, and it bothers him. Sure, Jinguji is a moody guy in general, and has always been prone to outbursts and random anger to cover up the other feelings that he has trouble expressing, but recently, it's seemed to almost double. Reia knows things are weird at work, for a variety of reasons, really, knows that Jinguji is under a lot of pressure and has a lot of responsibilities, but when he asks about it, Jinguji just grumps and shrugs his shoulders. Before, Reia would have been able to discern what was wrong anyway; he's always been good at reading Jinguji in their three years (three years now, it's hard to believe) together, but as they work together less and less, as their schedules fail to line up more and more, Reia literally sees less of what happens in Jinguji's life, and more than feeling lonely, more than feeling worried for his own career, he hates feeling isolated and helpless when it comes to the most important person in his life.
And Reia isn't really one to let his insecurities get the best of him, isn't one to let himself be weighed down by doubts and worries when he could be looking up and working to make the best of the situation, but recently, it's become harder and harder when he doesn't know what's wrong with Jinguji and Jinguji won't tell him. It's hard to deal with not being able to understand when understanding others, especially Jinguji, has always been what he does best, and it compounds on top of the stress from work and the worry about whatever is upsetting Jinguji and in the past few weeks (or has it been months? It's hard to know), it's made Reia's life practically unbearable.
And even now, as they're out together for their anniversary (a few weeks late, but Jinguji had had work, it seems like he always has work…), Jinguji is acting odd and sullen and withdrawn, and Reia doesn't know what to do about it. He doesn't know if Jinguji is just stressed and showing it badly, or if he doesn't really want to be here, or if it's something else altogether, and watching Jinguji seem more and more agitated and upset is just making him feel more and more miserable. He can remember a time when Jinguji's aggravations were all trivial and superficial, when just going out together was enough to make him forget his worries, when Jinguji used to throw fits about things that were cute and endearing, like jealousy over Reia wanting to celebrate other people's birthdays or embarrassment about expressing his feelings towards Reia… but he supposes that three years is a long time in a lot of ways, and not all of them good.
It's an awful thought, because he's always thought that he could do anything, bear anything, endure anything for Jinguji, but recently, everything he'd felt sure about, everything he'd held onto even in the turbulence of work and life and everything else seems to be crumbling too, and he doesn't know what he has to keep him steady anymore. It's made worse by watching Jinguji fidget and frown in front of him, looking out the window, and then over his shoulder, and then back down into his coffee before picking up his phone and spending a good minute checking his appearance in the front-view camera. His agitation seems to mirror what Reia's feeling on the inside, and he can't help but wonder bitterly what Jinguji sees around him and in his own reflection that's more important than his boyfriend, than the person he's spent the last three years with, more or less. Amidst it all, Reia still loves Jinguji, of course, loves him so much that it makes his heart ache, but perhaps Jinguji's failure to vocalize the same sentiment has shifted, has become less about being too embarrassed to say it and more about the fact that he's stopped feeling it at all.
Reia can't bear the implications of what that might mean, but once he's thought of it, he can't stop, and it swirls around and around in his mind as he watches Jinguji swirl his coffee in its cup. It makes him dizzy, makes him nauseated, but he's never really been one to beat around the bush, and so after Jinguji lets out a particularly loud sigh, Reia can't help himself, can't bite his tongue before he asks, "Do you not want to be here, or something?" his heart too heavy and his chest too tight to correct the snappishness that seeps into his voice.
Jinguji's demeanor changes instantly as he gapes at Reia, and in an instant, Reia wishes he hadn't said it. Whether or not Jinguji really doesn't want to be there, Reia is realizing very quickly that he doesn't want to know, he doesn't want to hear Jinguji's answer, doesn't want to be told that he really has become irrelevant to Jinguji's life. It's hard enough to think it; the prospect of hearing it from Jinguji himself is too terrifying to bear, but Reia knows as he swallows hard, he has to bear it, because he'd been the one to go and ask about it. And so he looks at Jinguji waveringly, his throat tight and his heart aching in his chest, because if Jinguji says what Reia is expecting him to say, he really doesn't know what he's going to do.
But Jinguji also looks like he doesn't know what he's going to do; at first, he looks angry, as if he's about to burst something comfortingly Jinguji-like, what?!, and how dare Reia insinuate he was anything less than the perfect boyfriend! But it looks as if the words die before they make it onto his tongue, and then he withdraws a little, a worried look coming over his features that redoubles all of Reia's fears, because it's so un-Jinguji that certainly whatever his response is going to be, it's going to be incredibly serious. He looks down into his coffee for another minute (and, Reia thinks, maybe it's a sign that he's made more eye contact with his drink than with Reia this whole time) before shoving a hand into his pocket and practically tossing the small box that he withdraws at Reia.
It's not at all what Reia was expecting (wouldn't have been even if he hadn't been expecting the worst), and he doesn't know how to read it. He supposes that it is their anniversary and it makes sense for Jinguji to have gotten him some sort of gift-- Reia had given Jinguji his a few days early when it had turned out they weren't going to be able to go out together, a fancy bottle of cologne and a bracelet Jinguji had been saying he wanted-- but he doesn't know what the little box or Jinguji's way of presenting it could possibly mean, and so he blinks, first at the gift and then at Jinguji himself.
"Well, are you going to open it?" Jinguji grumps, but his cheeks are colouring, and despite his haze of worry and anxiety, this is something that Reia knows and recognizes, something he's seen for ages. Jinguji's embarrassment to be seen doing anything that might be construed as mushy or romantic has been an integral part of their relationship ever since day one, but now, one thousand and ninety-five or so days later, it seems almost too good to be true.
"…Yeah," Reia responds, too confused and emotional for his normal sort of witty or teasing response. Reia wouldn't have expected him to notice, but Jinguji squints at him a little, as if he's waiting for more, and when Reia doesn't deliver, he pouts a little. But Reia can't focus on that, Reia can't focus on anything besides the little box in his hands, and he feels as if he's turned into Jinguji, because now he's the one who can't deal with his feelings, now he's the one who's acting ridiculous because he's emotional. Still, he can't exactly fix it right here and now, while he's feeling like pretty much everything is on the cusp of falling apart, and so he takes a deep breath and tries to brace himself for anything, and he opens the box.
After the fact, the next few moments are a complete blank in Reia's memory, but he distinctly remembers the feeling of total shock that washes over him as he gapes at the box's contents: a pair of rings, one slightly larger and set with red stones, and the other slightly smaller and set with pink. He looks up at Jinguji in shock, and almost comically characteristically, he scowls, crossing his arms and exclaiming, "What?! It's our anniversary, okay! THIS ISN'T WEIRD!" despite the fact that they're in public, no matter how secluded their booth is and how empty the Starbucks is at this time of day.
Reia feels somehow like he's gone back in time and at the same time fallen into some other dimension; after so much angsting and brooding, Jinguji is suddenly just Jinguji again, easy to read, emotions plain as day, and Reia feels like he's at once going to cry and explode into confetti. But somehow, he manages to do neither, instead managing a wavering "You got me two rings?" in a tone that doesn't sound nearly confident enough to be normal, but at least the effort is there, right?
And sure enough, Jinguji flails, snatching the box back from Reia and giving him a pout. "Give me your hand, then!" he practically shouts, and his mannerisms are so normal and predictable that Reia can't help but smile as he dutifully holds out his hand, worries and fears momentarily forgotten. Jinguji clumsily pulls the smaller of the rings out of the box and ungracefully pushes it onto Reia's finger, but while his presentation leaves something to be desired, Reia feels as if he couldn't possibly be happier as Jinguji sits back and crosses his arms, admiring his work. "There," he announces, clearly proud of himself. "Happy anniversary… and all that shit."
Stupid as it is, coming from Jinguji, it's a romantic gesture to be sure, and Reia admires the ring on his hand as well for a moment, his grin growing even wider, before asking, "Is this what you've been all worked up about for the past month??"
Jinguji is busily putting the other ring onto his own hand, but he shrugs, clearly trying to seem nonchalant. "I mean, it's kind of a big deal," he mumbles, his lips pursing into a fresh pout, "Giving a gift that means you wanna be together forever."
And that sounds a lot weightier and a lot more significant than Jinguji is letting on, but his peace of mind returned, Reia has enough experience with Jinguji and enough patience to know that now is not the time to ask exactly what he means. He knows that as long as Jinguji loves him too, he can wait… hell, he can wait forever if that's what Jinguji needs. It's a good, warm feeling to know that everything between the two of them, at the very least, is right and perfect, and so he hums quietly before asking, "No matter what?"
Jinguji flushes, his eyes fixed on some point just to the side of Reia's had, as if he's trying really hard to make eye contact but can't quite find the courage, but he nods. "Of course," he pouts, talking through his nose like a petulant child in that way that he has, and Reia loves him, really loves him so much that he doesn't even know how to express it in words.
"Even if I'm stuck in a dead-end career while you become rich and famous?" he asks, and perhaps he shouldn't have said something quite so realistic, but he tries to keep his tone light, anyway, and while Jinguji seems to stiffen a little at that, he nods.
"Of course," he repeats, but his tone is a little more even, and finally, he looks at Reia out of the corner of his eye. "No matter what."
There are a million things Reia wants to say, I'm sorry for doubting you and I wish I could be there for you more and I'll stand by you no matter what, too, and most of all, I love you, but he knows now isn't the time. And so instead, he smiles warmly, feeling happier than he's felt in a very long time and letting his hand fall to rest next to Jinguji's on the table, their rings sparkling prettily one beside the other.
"We make a good team, huh," he comments quietly, his smile only growing as he gazes at Jinguji, the object of his love for three whole years and hopefully a whole lot more.
He isn't really expecting a response, but despite his pink cheeks and obvious embarrassment, Jinguji nods, moving his hand atop Reia's, his fingers curling around Reia's own. "No matter what," he repeats, and now, Reia can read clearly from the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice that he means it.