rating: r? please read the warnings and author's note…
pairing: Yaotome Hikaru x Inoo Kei
warnings: ABO; biological imperative/weird biology; use of a sex toy but not in a porn setting? I don't really know how to explain it, but… read at your own discretion.
word count: 1,240
author's note: ABO; set in my ABO-verse along with this! I know every ABO-verse is different, but in mine, couples develop a bond that makes them anxious if they're separated for too long, and to help with this, bond products have been developed that emit pheromones and otherwise help ease the anxiety. Written for Shiritori @ writetomyheart!
summary: Having to spend hours, days away from Hikaru is rough when his biological programming wants to have him believe that even a short time apart is a signal that the world is ending.
Spreading inside his body, the feeling of warmth is a welcome distraction from the hum of anxiety that's been slowly growing strong and stronger in his mind and Inoo's heart over the past few hours. Being on location for his movie has been an amazing experience; not only is it honestly really fun to get to try his hand at film acting after all these years of being extremely limited in his activities by the management and his school schedule, but it's also really rewarding to feel like he's learning new things and growing as an actor and an idol every day. The staff and his costars are all kind and professional, and of course, he has his manager to fall back on when he's struggling, and all in all, he feels extremely lucky to have been chosen for this part. But still, the days are long and the schedule is packed, and on top of being exhausted at the end of the day, having to spend hours, days away from Hikaru is rough when his biological programming wants to have him believe that even a short time apart is a signal that the world is ending.
He doesn't understand bonds or the science behind them; he's not really sure what evolutionary benefit there is for his brain being more and more overwhelmed by weird chemical imbalances every time he's away from his significant other for more than a few hours in a row, and he can't comprehend how that could possibly have been a positive in nature, or… however these biological things came into being, either. Sure, it's nice to feel all warm and fuzzy when he and Hikaru spend time together, it's pleasant to lay together after sex, knotted and awash in happy pheromones, and he can't deny that he enjoys the rush of comfort and reassurance every time he comes home from a long trip to be with Hikaru again, but most of the time, he feels like he'd readily give up the romance of long-lasting knotting and the tingling, exciting feeling of reunion for any peace of mind whatsoever when they're apart. He can still remember the blinding, crushing, all-encompassing depression he'd fallen into when, more than ten years ago, Kohei had quit Johnny's and left him in the lurch-- at the time, he'd been too young and naive to realize that even in their brief teenage romance they'd formed a bond strong enough that Inoo was sent reeling when it was broken-- and even though he's an adult now, much more aware and well-equipped to deal with the emotional burden that came along with the unavoidable brain-chemistry of serious relationships, it still pisses him off, even more than the monthly aggravation of going into heat and the daily annoyance of birth control and scent-masking pills.
But he's learned to deal with it, since he doesn't have much alternative, besides, he supposes, giving up relationships altogether and living as a mountain hermit for the rest of his life, which doesn't sound particularly appealing, all things considered. And since he managed to make it through his senior year of college, which was awful for all sorts of reasons including but most certainly not limited to the strain it put on his bond when he wasn't able to see Hikaru for weeks on end, he's pretty sure he can make it through this one silly overnight filming, too.
And besides, now that filming is over and he's safely behind the locked door of his hotel room, he can finally find reprieve. Whoever had invented bond goods was a genius, Inoo had thought to himself as he'd hastily unpacked the familiar unassuming canvas satchel, the contents of which had practically saved his life over the past few years. He'd been embarrassed when he'd first gotten it, a gift from Hikaru when they'd been in the early, inexperienced stages of their relationship, and hesitant to believe that it would really make a difference when they were separated. Withdrawing the simple white vibrator from the pouch, Inoo can't help but laugh a little remembering how clumsy and nervous he'd been the first time he'd used it, his half of the bond set connected through a phone app, such that Hikaru could adjust the settings and levels of comforting pheromones emitted from Inoo's toy the same way Inoo had access to the controls of Hikaru's matching body pillow. It was a simple setup, but Inoo had been amazed at how much of a difference it made in soothing the separation anxiety that came with being in a long-term relationship.
There's no hint of clumsiness or nervousness in Inoo's movements now as he washes up and prepares himself before deftly pressing the vibrator inside of himself-- perhaps it's a placebo effect, but the sense of relief is almost instantaneous, and he lets out a sigh as he relaxes back into his hotel bed. A glance at his phone tells him that Hikaru must still be busy; he's not signed in to the app at the moment, but he's edited the settings a little since last time Inoo checked, as if to let Inoo know he's thinking of him. It makes Inoo smile, and he gazes at the screen for a moment longer before letting his arm fall to his side on the bed again, focusing instead on the feeling of warmth spreading inside of him. It's not the same as being with Hikaru, but it's a good substitute, and Inoo hums to himself in appreciation of the sensation.
It's pleasant but not urgent, laying here and letting the pheromones and the feelings wash over him, and it's almost as if he can feel all his tension from the day melting away. Years ago when he'd first gotten the toy, Inoo couldn't imagine ever using a vibrator for anything but getting off, but now, dozens of trips and work obligations and separations later, he's come to realize that, while maybe thousands of years ago, when they'd evolved into existence through survival of the fittest or whatever caused things to come about biologically, bonds had been about sex, in his experience, it's really so much more than that. Just like, certainly knotting had evolved to enable effective reproduction but now it was hard to see it as anything other than a romantic after-effect of being together with someone he loved, using bond goods, in the format of a sex toy or not, was more about feeling connected to Hikaru (and appeasing his biology) than it was about any sort of sexual gratification.
Of course, once Hikaru is off work, Inoo will call him, and they'll undoubtedly have phone sex, and that will feel good and Inoo will certainly enjoy it, and perhaps after they talk a little bit, they'll do it again (as they're want to do; being separated doesn't do much to enhance either of their particularly poor willpower when it comes to sex) , but as much as Inoo is looking forward to that, he's content right now to lay here, feeling warm and pleasantly calm after a day of separation anxiety, and to think about how Hikaru loves him and is almost certainly thinking of him right now, too. Human biology is weird, he thinks, but he's grown a lot over the time he's spent figuring this shit out with Hikaru, and even at times like this, when they're separated, being bonded isn't so bad.